This Past Week

This past week, I took a “quasi-vacation”. I worked five and a half hours or so and left at noon each day.  The afternoons off were used to take care of some trivial things.  I spent time reorganizing the kitchen cabinets.  I moved some furniture around.  I did some reading and some napping. Why did I take that kind of time off?  I am saving my hours for a trip to Maui.  And, I don’t seem to have the time or energy to manage some things during the evenings and on the weekends.  I accomplished much of what I wanted to achieve.

The weekend found him bow hunting Saturday morning. I don’t bow hunt, yet.  So, I went to visit with my aunt and uncle.  It was good to see them for a short visit.

I had planned to see my nieces. Then, decided it would be too much for them to rearrange plans to meet up with me for an hour.  However, it worked out that I did get to see two of them.  The baby girl gave up some sugars for me.  It was a brief moment.  But, I am glad I got to have it.

I had left my aunt’s and headed for Humble enroute to see my nieces. Shopping on Saturday in Humble is not the kind of thing this old country girl should try to do.  I pulled into the parking lot of the craft store and could not believe the number of cars.  I went into the store and found a couple of on sale items that were still over priced in my opinion.  I looked back over at the lines to the registers and thought about the baby girl I was on the way to see.  Sorry, craft store.  Ladybug moments are far more important!

I skipped the purchase. I am glad I did.  My local dollar store had a few cute items I had seen previously.  Checked back today and got them.  A few more Hallowe’en decorations are out.  I always wanted to do a big scene in the front yard.  Pumpkins, lights, hay bales, mums, scarecrows, black cats, bats and owls.  Like something from the pages of Martha Stewart.  I live at the end of a dead end street with no traffic, no trick or treaters. Only him and myself to see and enjoy.  I seriously doubt he would take much notice.  I will not attempt to do that this year.

This past week I made a lot of choices. What to keep, what to be rid of.  What to spend time doing, what to spend money acquiring.  Who to make time for.  I think I did a pretty fair job of choosing wisely.

So, I will enjoy my simple table decorations and laugh at the cat surrounded by eight giant goldfish. And remember what a certain baby girl feels like snuggled in my arms.  And know in my heart that he appreciates my not going overboard with decorations this year.  And speculate on what my coming week might bring.  More orchids, no doubt.

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Diversion

I have a simple diversion tactic. Keep pushing stuff around in the house.  Makes me feel like I have done something.  All I have done is move junk from one place to another.  Purpose?  Diversion.  For twenty years, I have done this.  If I am pretending like I am getting organized and getting rid of clutter, I don’t have to think about other things.  Things like how much I miss my children.  How much I miss my parents and my grandparents. How much I miss other relatives either gone from this world or living too far distant.  How little I seem to have to do other than go to my 9 to 5 and do a little housework.  Yes.  I need to read last week’s post. But……….

I am at a loss as to what to do with myself right now. My mind rushes along, but my body can’t keep up.  My thought processes are not focused.  I have found myself working through another cycle of grief.  It is different from cycles in the past.  It is more than true about each person having to grieve in their own way and time.  I never expected to deal with this so many years later.  I am just sad about all of it all over again.  Yes. There have been some private issues surfacing that may have triggered this.  First one thing then another.  Then, something else.

But, you know what? I can get through this.  I will feel better soon.  He will help me.  I am letting go of some material things and some irrelevant ideas.  I am letting go of things that are holding me back.  What am I being held back from?  My cousin knows.  She told me what I should do.  I am about ready to get started.

Meanwhile, a certain little girl and her baby sister occupy my happy thoughts and bring me great hope. I found the thing to make her giggle.  My Hallowe’en decoration:

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The fish don’t seem to mind!  The cat looks surprised!