marriage

Forty Years

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January 2023 marks 40 years of life with Rock.  We met as high school students when he moved into the neighborhood.  The first time I saw him I thought “Wow! He’s gorgeous!” and immediately sighed inside thinking I had no chance with him.  But, for some reason, he liked what he saw in me.  I was a train wreck, though I didn’t know it.  I battled depression and anxiety and terribly low self-esteem.  He was raised to believe he could have whatever he wanted if he was willing to fight hard enough for it. I still praise the Lord he decided I was worth fighting for. 

His battle was against me not believing I could be loved enough, not believing I could be wanted. I need to be very clear on this point.  Nothing Mother or Daddy did caused my problems.  There were other elements in my life that contributed to my problems.  Rock only cared about loving me. 

And for 40 years he has done just that.  He has fought to keep our life on track and our children safe.  He fought to drag me out of the depths of grief and sadness while dealing with his own grief over the years. He raised our children to believe they too could have whatever they wanted if they were willing to fight for it. 

We live an adventure even now.  Between the children, the granddaughters, the longhorns, church, hunting, fishing, living in the Big Thicket, river life and lake life, we always have something going on.  We are still crazy about each other and he has helped me become someone I couldn’t have been without him.

I liken him to an ancient warrior.  His ancestry points to Scotland and I am reminded that even the Empire of Rome could not overtake his grandfathers.  I see that strength in him.  He is tough and strong and yes, he can be difficult. I love the difficult just as much as I do the tender and gentle parts of him. I tried to explain to someone one time that truly loving someone is to love the dark as much as the light parts of them.  To not only accept and tolerate, but to embrace the hard to handle parts, too.  

Contrary to popular belief, he has a tender heart that loves larger than life.  He adores his children and granddaughters.  He stays on alert for any sign of distress among our tiny family circle.  Anyone who causes even a little stress among us is forever excluded from his trust.  He keeps a small, tight circle around us. 

I praise Jesus for our life together.  Rock’s faith in Christ, his tenacity in life, his passion and strength keep me grounded and safe.  I never want to take for granted the love we share.  I am ever grateful for his choosing to love me.  I pray he knows how much I love him. We will celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary in June, but I am celebrating our 40th year of being in love. I love you, Rock. 

Still the Same

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I’ve been reading some of my first posts in 2014.  All these years and they are still true.  Some issues remain unresolved.  Some issues have simply been deleted rather than resolved. I am still busy, but have more space between activities.

One thing I can say about myself.  I am persistent.  I perceive myself as being a quitter.  But, after reviewing my earliest posts, I seem to be steadily seeking a similar scenario.  I do have the same ambitions as I have always had.  To paint, to write, to dance.

I still love time with my family.  My family has certainly expanded! The duchesses have helped me filter through things I have been holding on to.  Just this past week, our daughter and her husband bought their first house.  That is helping me filter through things, too, somehow. Of course, several items here in this house have been saved for when she had a home to call her own. 

I continue to work on building deeper friendships.  I have been trying to be more open and vulnerable with three ladies I adore.  One is getting ready for her son’s wedding; one is mourning the loss of her mother this very day; and one is missed terribly.  She and I worked together for years and only have occasional visits. 

I have some pieces of writing done.  I have one in progress.  It has begun with the death of a young woman.  I don’t even know if she fell or was pushed.  The story is still so new.  I started it in the middle of my daily journal scribbles and it needs to be transcribed on to the computer so I can continue to work on it. 

There is a table and chairs I rescued a few years ago.  They needed refinishing, but not badly enough for me to do it for myself.  That new house of our daughter’s needs a dining table. I am refinishing the table and chairs!

The holidays are nearly upon us.  Thanksgiving feasts, Christmas decorating and baking, a few gifts to do up with paper, ribbon and bows.  Some family and friends I want to see. And one fella I am very fond of is turning 60.  I look forward to celebrating his birthday.  Nearly lost him two years ago.  How precious are family ties. 

Yes, many things are still the same after all these years of writing Raining Orchids.  And the second one I wrote spoke of how much I love Rock and how much I depend on him for strength and courage and protection. 

From January 2014:

He is just over there on the tractor, clearing some brush. He is close enough to see and if I suddenly need to touch him, I can walk over to him. He was gone fishing with his tournament partner Saturday and Sunday. Sure was a long couple of days.
I am grateful I feel this way about him. We met and fell in love thirty-one years ago this month. We’ve been through some fires and some storms. We’ve been through some miracles and some magical places. Our connection, our marriage, our love has taken on a lovely patina. I cherish him and I cherish us. I am thankful.

Some things have only grown richer and more lovely.