I am blessed beyond measure with a man who is still taking care of his children. They don’t need much tending, but he is the first person they call when anything good or bad or funny or sad happens. If they have a question or learn some new bit of information, his phone rings or his text pings. Always Dad, not Mama. And I am good with that. I don’t know who I might have been had my own father been similar.
We had a good visit with the children yesterday. We also had time with the tiny girls, aka wild ones. They play together and fight over toys and love each other. One is fair and blonde haired, the other dark and brown haired. Both with brown eyes. Stubborn like him and his children.
What will life bring for them? Will I see them as grown women? Will they still want me to paint their nails and pile up in the bed to watch a movie and go to sleep snuggled next to me?
I’m sure he will teach them how to drive the buggy and the tractor. They will learn all about the cows they both love. I hope their interest will continue as they grow. It will mean so much to him.
He is like me about the children and grands. We don’t agree with the saying about skipping the kids to have the grandchildren. We adore our own two so much and always had great fun raising them. He loves being a father and that makes being a Paw Paw even sweeter.
My mood is a bit bittersweet this morning, though. I still miss my parents and his. They did not get to live out their full life span. How different life might have been. How different this day might have been. Life doesn’t go on happily ever after for anyone. We just have to savor each hour as it comes and not waste the next wishing for the last.
Happy Father’s Day to my Rock. And to my son. And to my son-in-law. And thank you, Father, for upholding me through this sometimes bittersweet journey. Help me, Lord Jesus, to savor the now.
Has another Christmas leaped through my life? How fast it went! I have started this year full of optimism. Unusual for me to be in this place at this time of the year. The darkness of the winter days hasn’t overtaken my mood.
Perhaps, it won’t do so at all this year. I have been resigned to coping with the low moods all my adult life. And yet there is always a part of me that believes it doesn’t have to be so. If I claim I have a choice in how I feel and how I behave, then I must believe it and so prove it to myself.
I don’t have any resolutions for this year. I have my continuing path of proving myself able to be better at each turn.
One thing I once believed has changed. I used to believe I was strong and able to withstand pain. I failed at withstanding. I became crushed in so many places. Then, I believed I could never heal. After a while, I decided I could heal, but the crushed places would ever be fragile. Time never made a difference in the process. Just lately, over the past year or two, I discovered something has been healing my broken places. Love. Just love. Several girls have come into my life over the past few years. First, my brother’s granddaughters brought a window of hope. Now, my own granddaughters have broken down walls.
I think about my own grandmothers. I remember how important they are to me even now so many years after they left this life. My aunts continue to impact my life. If I can matter to any of these girls half as much as those women matter to me, I will be loved more than I deserve.
I wonder how things will be between all these little girls as we grow to know each other. And I look so very forward to the love that grows between us.
Happy 2018! Happy Life! Happy Love!
P.S. He continues to lift me up to Him. His continued prayers for me and support of my off-beat self has no doubt had a larger impact on my current state of being than I will know in this life. My love always loves me. And besides………..he needs my love to keep him warm!