Love

Forty Years

Posted by

0

January 2023 marks 40 years of life with Rock.  We met as high school students when he moved into the neighborhood.  The first time I saw him I thought “Wow! He’s gorgeous!” and immediately sighed inside thinking I had no chance with him.  But, for some reason, he liked what he saw in me.  I was a train wreck, though I didn’t know it.  I battled depression and anxiety and terribly low self-esteem.  He was raised to believe he could have whatever he wanted if he was willing to fight hard enough for it. I still praise the Lord he decided I was worth fighting for. 

His battle was against me not believing I could be loved enough, not believing I could be wanted. I need to be very clear on this point.  Nothing Mother or Daddy did caused my problems.  There were other elements in my life that contributed to my problems.  Rock only cared about loving me. 

And for 40 years he has done just that.  He has fought to keep our life on track and our children safe.  He fought to drag me out of the depths of grief and sadness while dealing with his own grief over the years. He raised our children to believe they too could have whatever they wanted if they were willing to fight for it. 

We live an adventure even now.  Between the children, the granddaughters, the longhorns, church, hunting, fishing, living in the Big Thicket, river life and lake life, we always have something going on.  We are still crazy about each other and he has helped me become someone I couldn’t have been without him.

I liken him to an ancient warrior.  His ancestry points to Scotland and I am reminded that even the Empire of Rome could not overtake his grandfathers.  I see that strength in him.  He is tough and strong and yes, he can be difficult. I love the difficult just as much as I do the tender and gentle parts of him. I tried to explain to someone one time that truly loving someone is to love the dark as much as the light parts of them.  To not only accept and tolerate, but to embrace the hard to handle parts, too.  

Contrary to popular belief, he has a tender heart that loves larger than life.  He adores his children and granddaughters.  He stays on alert for any sign of distress among our tiny family circle.  Anyone who causes even a little stress among us is forever excluded from his trust.  He keeps a small, tight circle around us. 

I praise Jesus for our life together.  Rock’s faith in Christ, his tenacity in life, his passion and strength keep me grounded and safe.  I never want to take for granted the love we share.  I am ever grateful for his choosing to love me.  I pray he knows how much I love him. We will celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary in June, but I am celebrating our 40th year of being in love. I love you, Rock. 

Because I Love Her

Posted by

0

After many, many years putting it off, I am finally reading Pride and Prejudice.  Jane Austen’s wit, plot line, character development and use of the language is challenging my lazy brain.  I have spent so many years skimming over internet junk, reading the highlights of blogs, watching movies while trolling Pinterest or Instagram, my brain is lazy.  It wants the quick hits of dopamine, not the toil of paying attention and encounters with new words. 

But there is a lady in my life whom I love most dearly.  She adores this book and has read it more times than she can count.  Because of her, I am working my way through the chapters.  Our daughter with her quick wit and brilliant mind continues to challenge me to reach further and not be lazy.  It is for her, I am toiling.

I plan to watch at least one movie version of the story when I am finished.  I will try to see her recommended one.  I am considering getting Cliff Notes or Spark(?) to go along with my reading.  Perhaps it would help me appreciate the appeal of the book and the story turned into cinema more fully.

I think the thing I am struggling with is how rude nearly every character seems.  I have my moments of speaking inappropriately, but they are usually accidental due to my not paying attention to the scene I am involved with.  To be openly and deliberately rude continuously would have my mother out of her grave pinching the mess out of me.

 I have said before I wished sometimes for Julia Sugarbaker’s ability to tell someone off, but in reality, I fear my mother more.  She has been long gone, but her voice still comes to me letting me know when something is “tacky” or “ugly”.  To act or speak in such a way would get “the look” or when I was smaller, “the pinch”.  And to acknowledge I had been pinched would have been certain death.  Or at least, I thought so. 

My mother never mistreated us at all, but never allowed us to act out and embarrass her, either.  We had a certain quality called respect for our mothers.  Our children have it, too.  Don’t say anything negative about the younger generations around me.  There were as many smart mouths in my childhood as now and just as many fine, respectful young people now as then.

Good night, somebody kick this soap box out from under me!  About this book I am reading, I will likely fall in love with it, too.  Right now, it is as annoying as Mr. Darcy!!