I have had a very busy week at the 9-5. We had a project to do on short notice. The results showed I have made more progress than I imagined in a major audit that occurs next year. Every three years we have an audit that requires annual documentation to be collected from dozens of areas. The information has to be compiled into folders. I do a lot of the collecting and all of the compiling. I have some co-workers who assist when they have time and I appreciate them like a glass of sweet tea in August. The nice thing is that (Lord willing), the audit next year will be my fourth and last one. I should be able to retire before it comes around again.
I also had a challenge to try to say the right things to a friend going through a major crisis. She has a lot of difficult and heart rending things happening. I reminded her that it will be okay, that she is strong, that she has a large support system. I know He will take care of every need.
I am challenged with trying to write this post. I am not feeling very inspired. But, the exercise is to show up and type. For one trying to develop a writing lifestyle, it is an important thing to just show up at the page.
He always encourages me to write. I tease him that he just likes to read how wonderful he is and see me telling the world how wonderful he is to me. He is my Valentine every day. He has been for thirty four years. He continues to amaze me with his ability to face the world with such bravado and touch the world with such compassion for others with less bold courage. What a treasure is my True Love.
My usual winter blues have arrived in full force. February has always been a very difficult month for me. Obviously cold is not the problem. We have had record warm temperatures for a while. Is it the low sunlight? Probably.
Compounding the problem is what my health care provider and I believe is fibromyalgia. I started a prescription medication today. The pain and fatigue is constant in different levels of intensity. The kind of ache that occurs with fever or the flu. All the time. I have sought help for this several times over the years. Most providers just dismiss my complaints as stress and depression. I told this one I don’t care what she calls it. Just give me something to help me feel better. It will take a few weeks to get results. Interestingly, this time my trip to the provider was not from a feeling of desperation. I have a feeling of positive expectation to have my symptoms relieved.
Despite this problem, I think I finally have what I need to complete a long standing project. Family photos. I am certainly not a scrap booker. I have boxes of photos I want to put into regular photo albums. Over the years I have sorted through the stacks. I have passed along and throw away stacks and stacks.
I want to state how I came upon the albums. I was on the way to the doctor’s office. I was thinking of the things I wanted to look for in the city shops. Suddenly, I was impressed to pray over “my plans”. I had photo albums on my list among other things. About the only thing I purchased were the albums and additional pages to fill them. The rest of this story is that they were on sale half price. I got them at Hobby Lobby. I picked up a sheet of pretty poster board paper for something else for a couple of dollars. That was it. Nothing else purchased despite stopping at several places looking for some things on my list.
A definite yes. That is how I am trying to operate these days. When shopping, when cleaning and sorting, when doing anything, I am seeking a definite yes. If I have a maybe, it is a no. For example, today I went to a department store to check for a pair of shoes. No shoes found. But, purses were seriously on sale. Oh, my! Temptation. Serious temptation. I found a purse I liked. I didn’t love it. But I could think of several positives with it. I went so far as to have the sales clerk check the actual sale price and got in line with it. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t have a definite yes decision. I had reservations about the color and a couple of the details. I had reservations about buying a purse I could do without. It does not fit in my 2017 theme to reduce.
He has been intensely concerned and supportive, as usual. One of my best blessings is him. I don’t deserve him. I am very grateful to Him for him.
This is where I am this week. Positive expectation. Seeking a definite yes. Reducing distractions.
I did not complete the January project as planned. No real surprise there. How many plans actually go forward perfectly without a hitch?
So, now what? Should I continue with the idea? Should I back up and regroup? Should I dump the plan?
I don’t know, yet. I don’t want to think of it right now. Perhaps that is my answer. Nothing right now. Just let it go for a couple of days. Saturday has great potential as a day to think about things. I will have time to ponder over what I am going to do next.
I will have time to figure out “what now”. I am a little frustrated because I want to be doing something else. I just don’t know what the “else” is supposed to be.
If the weather permits, time outside in the sun would be a great help. I need time to look at the trees making patterns against the sky. I reviewed my personal photos. I surely love trees.
My “now what?” is to stop and look around. Look up. Keep looking up.