Living

Too Much, Too Many

Posted by

0

I have too much I want to do and too many things on my list.  It’s not a bucket list or a chore list really.  But, dozens of reminders of things I want to try to cook, try to make, try to learn about.  Too many lists of too many things and am unable to figure out where to start most days.  I confess I have completed a few things on the latest compilation of lists.  I have simply marked through some other things to eliminate them rather deal with them.

I have multiple notebooks full of lists.  My hobby seems to be making lists.  I have ideas, I read about things, I get an interest in something and it goes on my lists.  The problem is that some things never get off the list.  Many of the items are not really things to do, but reminders of how to act or think as habitual behaviors.  Some are simply maxims to try to live by.  There are items to buy, books to read, menus to cook, crafts to create, places to visit, people to see, questions to ask. 

I get aggravated with it because I want to get it all done and then again, I don’t want to feel compelled to get it all done.  I have a significant problem with making up my mind.  Deciding a course and sticking to it through to completion. 

Here’s the comical part I am dealing with recently.  I have a tablet full of notes and also a wonderful agenda notebook gifted to me by our son and his bride.  I have a section in the agenda, six plus pages, where I have made a list of things. I am considering getting yet another notebook and trying to sort the list into categorized lists.  It wouldn’t be the first time to try that.  One excuse I have made to myself for being less organized with this aspect of my existence is that I can’t find the right notebook or organizing tool.  And I can’t decide on what to write with.  And I don’t know if I should include all the previous books of lists when I do take on the task.  This is all very ridiculous and very personal. Some people collect stamps or follow college sports.  I collect tidbits of notions and make lists of them.

I have seen the bullet journal concept.  I have avoided it. For a lister like me, that kind of project could either be a deeper, darker obsession or could push me to the brink of exhaustion.  And I always see the journals with all the decorated pages as being frivolous and time consuming.  It may end up on the table after all.  Along with art journaling or a “smash book” I think may be the current term, perhaps I could slow the chasing thoughts and tame the lists.  I know for a fact there are far too many duplicate entries over the scope of all my notebooks.  What if I could make one big beautiful book to hold all my lists? 

I think I may be going over the edge.  I am either going crazy or going creative.  To me both feel the same. 

Enough of this nonsense.  I needed to write Orchids.  I haven’t been consistent the last few weeks.  Now I know why.  Too much nonsense chasing around my brain.  Too many thoughts jumbled up in there. 

Because I Love Her

Posted by

0

After many, many years putting it off, I am finally reading Pride and Prejudice.  Jane Austen’s wit, plot line, character development and use of the language is challenging my lazy brain.  I have spent so many years skimming over internet junk, reading the highlights of blogs, watching movies while trolling Pinterest or Instagram, my brain is lazy.  It wants the quick hits of dopamine, not the toil of paying attention and encounters with new words. 

But there is a lady in my life whom I love most dearly.  She adores this book and has read it more times than she can count.  Because of her, I am working my way through the chapters.  Our daughter with her quick wit and brilliant mind continues to challenge me to reach further and not be lazy.  It is for her, I am toiling.

I plan to watch at least one movie version of the story when I am finished.  I will try to see her recommended one.  I am considering getting Cliff Notes or Spark(?) to go along with my reading.  Perhaps it would help me appreciate the appeal of the book and the story turned into cinema more fully.

I think the thing I am struggling with is how rude nearly every character seems.  I have my moments of speaking inappropriately, but they are usually accidental due to my not paying attention to the scene I am involved with.  To be openly and deliberately rude continuously would have my mother out of her grave pinching the mess out of me.

 I have said before I wished sometimes for Julia Sugarbaker’s ability to tell someone off, but in reality, I fear my mother more.  She has been long gone, but her voice still comes to me letting me know when something is “tacky” or “ugly”.  To act or speak in such a way would get “the look” or when I was smaller, “the pinch”.  And to acknowledge I had been pinched would have been certain death.  Or at least, I thought so. 

My mother never mistreated us at all, but never allowed us to act out and embarrass her, either.  We had a certain quality called respect for our mothers.  Our children have it, too.  Don’t say anything negative about the younger generations around me.  There were as many smart mouths in my childhood as now and just as many fine, respectful young people now as then.

Good night, somebody kick this soap box out from under me!  About this book I am reading, I will likely fall in love with it, too.  Right now, it is as annoying as Mr. Darcy!!