I have too much I want to do and too many things on my list.  It’s not a bucket list or a chore list really.  But, dozens of reminders of things I want to try to cook, try to make, try to learn about.  Too many lists of too many things and am unable to figure out where to start most days.  I confess I have completed a few things on the latest compilation of lists.  I have simply marked through some other things to eliminate them rather deal with them.

I have multiple notebooks full of lists.  My hobby seems to be making lists.  I have ideas, I read about things, I get an interest in something and it goes on my lists.  The problem is that some things never get off the list.  Many of the items are not really things to do, but reminders of how to act or think as habitual behaviors.  Some are simply maxims to try to live by.  There are items to buy, books to read, menus to cook, crafts to create, places to visit, people to see, questions to ask. 

I get aggravated with it because I want to get it all done and then again, I don’t want to feel compelled to get it all done.  I have a significant problem with making up my mind.  Deciding a course and sticking to it through to completion. 

Here’s the comical part I am dealing with recently.  I have a tablet full of notes and also a wonderful agenda notebook gifted to me by our son and his bride.  I have a section in the agenda, six plus pages, where I have made a list of things. I am considering getting yet another notebook and trying to sort the list into categorized lists.  It wouldn’t be the first time to try that.  One excuse I have made to myself for being less organized with this aspect of my existence is that I can’t find the right notebook or organizing tool.  And I can’t decide on what to write with.  And I don’t know if I should include all the previous books of lists when I do take on the task.  This is all very ridiculous and very personal. Some people collect stamps or follow college sports.  I collect tidbits of notions and make lists of them.

I have seen the bullet journal concept.  I have avoided it. For a lister like me, that kind of project could either be a deeper, darker obsession or could push me to the brink of exhaustion.  And I always see the journals with all the decorated pages as being frivolous and time consuming.  It may end up on the table after all.  Along with art journaling or a “smash book” I think may be the current term, perhaps I could slow the chasing thoughts and tame the lists.  I know for a fact there are far too many duplicate entries over the scope of all my notebooks.  What if I could make one big beautiful book to hold all my lists? 

I think I may be going over the edge.  I am either going crazy or going creative.  To me both feel the same. 

Enough of this nonsense.  I needed to write Orchids.  I haven’t been consistent the last few weeks.  Now I know why.  Too much nonsense chasing around my brain.  Too many thoughts jumbled up in there.