New Year

Once again I am late writing.  I wonder why I forgot this evening.  I noted it this morning on my list.  The list I didn’t get to after I got home from work.

Lists.  Obsessive compulsive list making.  My son has it, too.  I like making lists.  I write them, organize them. Rewrite them.  I am afraid to toss some of them.  Grocery lists and simple chore lists are easy to toss.  But, some lists.  They reveal my dreams and goals and fears.

With the new year approaching, it is time for another review of my progress.  How am I doing at becoming a better human being?  Am I gaining ground?  Sometimes it seems as if I am fighting a losing battle.  Perhaps no battle is really lost until it ends.  I have not stopped fighting.

I had several things preoccupying my mind at work today.  He had a doctor’s appointment and I was a little concerned about the issue.  Thanks to Him, all is just fine.  I have some deadlines for projects looming and am scrambling to get them done and keep up with the daily issues.

But, after work, my real concern was getting some supper cooked.  I wanted to make him cheeseburgers.  I did.  Toasted buns, our favorite steak seasoning on the meat, homemade dill pickles, Velvetta cheese.  I don’t even know if he liked them.  He didn’t say.  But, I enjoyed making them for him.

I like for him to tell me when I please him, even though I only half believe him.  I accuse him of just being polite.  Yes.  He can be very polite to me.  But, sometimes…………….

I am better in many ways.  My grief is improving.  I did have a few days of feeling like doom was impending.  But, it seems to have passed.  I think my house is fairly organized.  I am getting the essentials done in a timely fashion.  Things don’t pile up as much.

The new year approaches.  Yes. I will have some goals.  Nothing new.  Just continuing to improve to a new level of performance.  Becoming a better being.  I hope.

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