I’m sitting at the south window of our bedroom looking out at sun dappled woods. The pale winter sky peaks through a mix of intricate gray lace and pine green plumes.
This is my darkest month. I have always struggled with the cold dark days of February. The odd thing about my trouble is that I love the winter. I love all the seasons in their turn. It doesn’t seem logical that I would struggle emotionally through any of them. I love the steel gray of the low sky that comes with the Southeast Texas winter. The long shadows that stretch across the land and the colored leaves which cling to trees till spring ones push them off at last.
I have promised myself I will do all the things needed to not let the bottom fall out of my emotions. What are all the things? Seeking sunlight at every opportunity. Lighting candles everywhere. Soaking in a hot tub of bath water in the evenings. Getting fully dressed even when staying in for the day. Riding with him when he goes on cow business. Making time for friends. Making time for Duchesses. Making myself see the beauty around me.
I have set myself a real challenge. This Valentine weekend, I plan to have both Duchesses spend two nights. We may go to a birthday party Saturday I’ve been invited to or we may stay here and have the tea party I had already planned. It will depend on how well we all sleep Friday night for the most part.
Thinking about the weekend, making plans, gathering supplies, making ready has been a very good way to keep the gloomies at bay. Looking forward to all the love and affection exchanged between the three of us is a perfect way to keep my heart up.
Most importantly, I am trusting in the Lord to comfort me as He always has. Rock helps me get through this. I have him and some others who pray specifically for my difficult days of winter.
This year they don’t seem so dark after all…………………
My usual winter blues have arrived in full force. February has always been a very difficult month for me. Obviously cold is not the problem. We have had record warm temperatures for a while. Is it the low sunlight? Probably.
Compounding the problem is what my health care provider and I believe is fibromyalgia. I started a prescription medication today. The pain and fatigue is constant in different levels of intensity. The kind of ache that occurs with fever or the flu. All the time. I have sought help for this several times over the years. Most providers just dismiss my complaints as stress and depression. I told this one I don’t care what she calls it. Just give me something to help me feel better. It will take a few weeks to get results. Interestingly, this time my trip to the provider was not from a feeling of desperation. I have a feeling of positive expectation to have my symptoms relieved.
Despite this problem, I think I finally have what I need to complete a long standing project. Family photos. I am certainly not a scrap booker. I have boxes of photos I want to put into regular photo albums. Over the years I have sorted through the stacks. I have passed along and throw away stacks and stacks.
I want to state how I came upon the albums. I was on the way to the doctor’s office. I was thinking of the things I wanted to look for in the city shops. Suddenly, I was impressed to pray over “my plans”. I had photo albums on my list among other things. About the only thing I purchased were the albums and additional pages to fill them. The rest of this story is that they were on sale half price. I got them at Hobby Lobby. I picked up a sheet of pretty poster board paper for something else for a couple of dollars. That was it. Nothing else purchased despite stopping at several places looking for some things on my list.
A definite yes. That is how I am trying to operate these days. When shopping, when cleaning and sorting, when doing anything, I am seeking a definite yes. If I have a maybe, it is a no. For example, today I went to a department store to check for a pair of shoes. No shoes found. But, purses were seriously on sale. Oh, my! Temptation. Serious temptation. I found a purse I liked. I didn’t love it. But I could think of several positives with it. I went so far as to have the sales clerk check the actual sale price and got in line with it. Suddenly, I realized I didn’t have a definite yes decision. I had reservations about the color and a couple of the details. I had reservations about buying a purse I could do without. It does not fit in my 2017 theme to reduce.
He has been intensely concerned and supportive, as usual. One of my best blessings is him. I don’t deserve him. I am very grateful to Him for him.
This is where I am this week. Positive expectation. Seeking a definite yes. Reducing distractions.