Hope

Happy 2018!

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Happy New Year!!!

Has another Christmas leaped through my life?  How fast it went!  I have started this year full of optimism.  Unusual for me to be in this place at this time of the year.  The darkness of the winter days hasn’t overtaken my mood.

Perhaps, it won’t do so at all this year.  I have been resigned to coping with the low moods all my adult life.  And yet there is always a part of me that believes it doesn’t have to be so.  If I claim I have a choice in how I feel and how I behave, then I must believe it and so prove it to myself.

I don’t have any resolutions for this year.  I have my continuing path of proving myself able to be better at each turn.

One thing I once believed has changed.  I used to believe I was strong and able to withstand pain.  I failed at withstanding. I became crushed in so many places.  Then, I believed I could never heal.  After a while, I decided I could heal, but the crushed places would ever be fragile.  Time never made a difference in the process.  Just lately, over the past year or two, I discovered something has been healing my broken places.  Love.  Just love.  Several girls have come into my life over the past few years.  First, my brother’s granddaughters brought a window of hope. Now, my own granddaughters have broken down walls.

I think about my own grandmothers.  I remember how important they are to me even now so many years after they left this life.  My aunts continue to impact my life.  If I can matter to any of these girls half as much as those women matter to me, I will be loved more than I deserve.

I wonder how things will be between all these little girls as we grow to know each other. And I look so very forward to the love that grows between us.

Happy 2018!  Happy Life! Happy Love!

P.S.  He continues to lift me up to Him.  His continued prayers for me and support of my off-beat self has no doubt had a larger impact on my current state of being than I will know in this life.  My love always loves me.  And besides………..he needs my love to keep him warm!

sky and snow

First Monday

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In August, I decided I would post on first Mondays.  I was preoccupied with Harvey for September’s first Monday.

I’ve been enjoying some time outside.  The intense heat and humidity has been a bit less.

I have been trying to decide on whether to expand a flower bed or not.  I have been moving toward simpler and now this would not be simpler. It would mean more to tend.  I’m not sure if I want to commit to taking care of twenty feet of border.  For years.

I read back over some posts from earlier this year.  I have continued to get rid of unneeded items.  I read the Kon Mari book.  My impression of the writer is that she has no clue what it means to be a traditional Southerner. Sentiment and keepsakes. Decorative trinkets and festive decor are part of life.  And our life has included households of deceased relatives to deal with.

He is not a minimalist.  He likes to have two and a spare for most things.  I have a problem with books and clothes I never wear among other things.

We have our daughter’s salvage from their apartment stacked here.  I can honestly say it has not stressed me having it everywhere.  If it was my stuff, I would be having a stress meltdown.

Our prayer is for she and her family to find a home quickly.  Not because of the stuff in the kitchen or the cats on the porch. But, because they need to get resettled from being displaced.  The Harvey flood effected so many.  And many of my dear loved ones.

Strength and resilience.  Now that the urgent phase is passing, the long haul through restoration is beginning.  Grief must be dealt with.  Then a new normal can grow into a renewed life.

I praise Him for being Grace and Mercy and Strength and Hope.