I’m sitting at the south window of our bedroom looking out at sun dappled woods. The pale winter sky peaks through a mix of intricate gray lace and pine green plumes.
This is my darkest month. I have always struggled with the cold dark days of February. The odd thing about my trouble is that I love the winter. I love all the seasons in their turn. It doesn’t seem logical that I would struggle emotionally through any of them. I love the steel gray of the low sky that comes with the Southeast Texas winter. The long shadows that stretch across the land and the colored leaves which cling to trees till spring ones push them off at last.
I have promised myself I will do all the things needed to not let the bottom fall out of my emotions. What are all the things? Seeking sunlight at every opportunity. Lighting candles everywhere. Soaking in a hot tub of bath water in the evenings. Getting fully dressed even when staying in for the day. Riding with him when he goes on cow business. Making time for friends. Making time for Duchesses. Making myself see the beauty around me.
I have set myself a real challenge. This Valentine weekend, I plan to have both Duchesses spend two nights. We may go to a birthday party Saturday I’ve been invited to or we may stay here and have the tea party I had already planned. It will depend on how well we all sleep Friday night for the most part.
Thinking about the weekend, making plans, gathering supplies, making ready has been a very good way to keep the gloomies at bay. Looking forward to all the love and affection exchanged between the three of us is a perfect way to keep my heart up.
Most importantly, I am trusting in the Lord to comfort me as He always has. Rock helps me get through this. I have him and some others who pray specifically for my difficult days of winter.
This year they don’t seem so dark after all…………………
After many, many years putting it off, I am finally reading Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen’s wit, plot line, character development and use of the language is challenging my lazy brain. I have spent so many years skimming over internet junk, reading the highlights of blogs, watching movies while trolling Pinterest or Instagram, my brain is lazy. It wants the quick hits of dopamine, not the toil of paying attention and encounters with new words.
But there is a lady in my life whom I love most dearly. She adores this book and has read it more times than she can count. Because of her, I am working my way through the chapters. Our daughter with her quick wit and brilliant mind continues to challenge me to reach further and not be lazy. It is for her, I am toiling.
I plan to watch at least one movie version of the story when I am finished. I will try to see her recommended one. I am considering getting Cliff Notes or Spark(?) to go along with my reading. Perhaps it would help me appreciate the appeal of the book and the story turned into cinema more fully.
I think the thing I am struggling with is how rude nearly every character seems. I have my moments of speaking inappropriately, but they are usually accidental due to my not paying attention to the scene I am involved with. To be openly and deliberately rude continuously would have my mother out of her grave pinching the mess out of me.
I have said before I wished sometimes for Julia Sugarbaker’s ability to tell someone off, but in reality, I fear my mother more. She has been long gone, but her voice still comes to me letting me know when something is “tacky” or “ugly”. To act or speak in such a way would get “the look” or when I was smaller, “the pinch”. And to acknowledge I had been pinched would have been certain death. Or at least, I thought so.
My mother never mistreated us at all, but never allowed us to act out and embarrass her, either. We had a certain quality called respect for our mothers. Our children have it, too. Don’t say anything negative about the younger generations around me. There were as many smart mouths in my childhood as now and just as many fine, respectful young people now as then.
Good night, somebody kick this soap box out from under me! About this book I am reading, I will likely fall in love with it, too. Right now, it is as annoying as Mr. Darcy!!