Lessons

My 9 to 5 has been giving me some lessons the past few weeks. Not bad things, just reminders.  A few months ago I was again moved into a certain position that I generally try to escape as soon as possible.  I have made up my mind I want to stay in it, if allowed, for the next three years until I retire.  The lessons relate to my maintaining detachment.  I always fuss at my co-worker friends about letting others elicit an emotional response from them.  My line is “if you are having an emotional response, either positive or negative, you have lost your professionalism”.  The business I am in requires such behavior.  It is far too dangerous otherwise.  I let more than one someone get me agitated when I should not have let it bother me.

Another recent lesson I have experienced (but not fully learned) is to just keep at it. I have started walking again.  It is still hot and the bugs are still buzzing and I can’t get to it as many days as I would like. But, I am going to keep at it.  It matters to me to do it.  It makes me feel better to walk through stress from the day and work out my sciatic nerve pain.  Better sleep is a major bonus, too.

I am keeping at my house. I got some chores caught up. Still have more to do.  I want to get some extra stuff out of here.  My dilemma comes with our daughter’s profession.  As a second year theater teacher, her prop room needs development.  I have some things for the prop room stacked up ready to deliver.  But, she lives an hour and a half away.  So, I just keep piling and moving the piles.  I will keep at it until I get things delivered to her.

This past weekend, we were blessed to participate in the Beth Moore simulcast at our church. I read her latest book, Audacious, last month. I am reminded again to keep at developing my relationship with Him.  I am not a holy roller at all.  I deeply love Christ.  I am a born-again believer.  But, I am a work in progress.  I can’t imagine how bad I would be if not for the tempering of the Holy Spirit.  I am pretty rough even with His influence.  It’s not about me, though. It is about Him and His love for me.  It is about Him using me to love others for Him when they can’t see Him.  I wish I was better at it.  I wish I wasn’t so easily agitated by some things.

I have a few other lessons I am trying to teach myself. I hope he can be patient with me while I work out some more of them.  Most of the time he notices without comment.  I have to be careful to not take the lack of comments as disapproval.  Sometimes he does comment.  I have to be careful to not take the input of comments as disapproval. He is the one with whom I always want to have a positive emotional reaction.  But, I am shy when it comes to him.  I am still afraid of disappointing him.  That seems silly considering how many years we have been married and how well he knows me.

I will keep at it. Learning and growing and maturing.  Like our bull pines, I will have to weather more storms and drop limbs from time to time.  Living and thriving means I will need to keep at my lessons.  Some I will learn the first time through.  Others will take many tries to learn.  Still others will require I keep at it till He calls me home.

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Simple Ambitions

 

I have such painfully simple ambitions.

Once upon a time, you could eat off my floors.  Ceiling fans to baseboards, pantries and potties.  All were kept immaculately clean and tidy.  Even when I started working at the school, I had enough time and energy to keep up with things.

Between working a full-time 9-5 and reaching my 50s, I don’t keep up so well.  We discussed the possibility of hiring some help for me.  At least someone to do the ceiling fans and floors.  I’m not sure how our puppy dog would feel about someone being in the house with us not here.  So, that is on the back burner for now.

One thing I have noticed.  The messes don’t bother me as much as they did when I was younger.  I don’t think my standards have lowered. Rather, I have begun to have more compassion for myself.  Historically, by this time, I would be having a nervous fit over the condition of some areas of the house.  Don’t get me wrong, the house is not filthy.  Things are not piled up everywhere.  Still, things are not as pristine as I would like them to be.

A couple of my phrases from my life book are:  über tidy and operating room clean.  Some of my other catch phrases include words like immaculate and other such “perfection” words, it is easy to understand how I fall ridiculously short of my goals.

Yes, it is my intention to “put wash away warm”.  My poor beloved knows how to dig socks from the hamper of clean clothes.  I console myself by noting that the clothes are clean.  I have heard of those having to dig in the dirty clothes for something to wear.  Never at my house in all my years of housekeeping have any of them had to do that.  Please forgive my boast.  I need something today to reduce the level of guilt over my neglected floors and rugs.

So, my house is not looking the way I would prefer.  My schedule is looking great.  I have several events upcoming.  Nearly every Saturday has some special something to occupy my time and energy.  I will have a large quantity of memories scheduled for accumulating over the next several months.  Memories with my church family, my nieces, cousins, aunts, daughter.  Memories with him and our son and his bride and the Jewel of California arriving soon.

That accumulation more than offsets any anguish I might feel over the accumulation of dust bunnies in the corners.  Über festive, immaculately pleasant, are those good phrases? Maybe I will adopt those to replace the more difficult ones.

Perfection is being in the presence of my family and friends, him, Him, and especially that Jewel on the way.

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