river

Unexpected

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He took me to the river to fish Saturday.  I did not expect the opportunity to go.  I caught a fish and got some sun on my legs.  It was hot already.

We saw the big alligator where we have seen him before.  We saw another one just as big where we had not seen one before.  Unexpected surprise!  Two giants in the same slough.

He turned the boat upriver and surprised me with a run all the way to the dam.  There were stretches of river with whitecaps.  Very unusual.  The river is still high from the recent heavy rains.  Several large trees have collapsed into the river channel.

I received news of changes coming for my son and his wife.  They will be moving from Maui to Oahu in June.   This was not anticipated.  But, it will be just fine.  They will be just fine.

My niece and her family are coming to spend a couple of nights with us over the upcoming holiday weekend.  An unexpected treat!  Naturally, he and I are already busy ensuring the house is in order to provide a pleasant and safe environment for the little ones.

While preparing the guest room that also serves as my dressing room, I found an unexpected bonus.  Apparently, when I pulled my summer clothes from under the bed, I missed a bag!  A big bag of clothes I didn’t know I had!  One of my favorite summer tops was in it.  I had forgotten about it.

I wonder what else I have forgotten.  So many things happen through the course of the days and weeks and years.  People I have known.  Places I have been.  Things I have done, seen, said, heard.

My mind does not process things in a way to recall some things.  I remember odd things most people don’t seem to notice, but can’t recall things that happened last week.  There are important events I know I don’t remember.  I have always been this way.  I spend so much time lost in my own thoughts and processing my own ideas and imaginings, I don’t do the thinking processes needed to remember some things.

While it does cause some distress when someone is talking about something I should recall, it provides me with unexpected memories.  Usually with some prompting, I will remember at least part of some occurrence.

Oh, well.  I am sure other folks have some issue or other in their thought processes to manage.  Some deal with fear or anxiety.  Some deal with pessimism or anger.  Some deal with a sense of inferiority.  I don’t fret over my mental lapses.  Mine sometimes provides me with unexpected delight.  Like a bag of clothes.  Gators, on the other hand, I am not likely to forget.

Flood

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He and I walked down to see the muddy water boiling through the gates from the lake into the flooding river bed.

This gushing torrent is pouring from the same serene lake whose lovely face I have shared previously.  She is overloaded with rain and bursting at the seams.  Not her normal self.

I know how she feels.  I have a torrent of thoughts flooding my mind.  I recently filled one of my paper journals and switched to a fresh one.  I keep hauling around the old one.  I have been back through it several times trying to figure out what I am afraid to discard or shelve.  Finally, yesterday, while again going over the pages, I realized the whispers of the bigger story I want to tell is started there.

I shared with my friend today my idea of what I want to tell.  She had asked me if I have taken classes or is my writing a gift.  I don’t know about it being a gift, but, no I haven’t taken writing classes.  I haven’t even read many books on the prescribed reading lists from high school or college.  I simply write.  I have written forever.  When the prescribed writing of school days ended, the pen of teenage passion waned, and my babies were big enough to play without constant surveillance, I began journaling.  From the first time I heard about the concept of blogging, I wanted to try it.

I always wanted to be like John Boy Walton and write stories.  I never felt I had a story to write.  I still don’t have a fiction story to write.  My cousin encourages me to write the book.  I want to tell my story.  Every woman’s story.  Wish me courage.  Wish me discipline.  Wish me strength.

I fear letting the story come forth, I will become like this raging river boiling from the depths of the lake.  Churning out of control and spilling forth over the banks meant to contain me.  The banks of calm rationality I try so hard to maintain.  But, dear reader, you know I despise fear.  Here is a fear I must overcome and free myself.  He will hold on to me when I start to go under.  He will not let me be pushed to the bottom of the churning turmoil of emotional energy.  He will lift me up to Him in his prayers and we will ride out another flood of life together.

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