Expectations

I always expected life to be more like Norman Rockwell’s paintings.  I figured Mama and I would be cooking dinner and taking all the grandkids off on adventures.  Even now, I keep thinking it will somehow materialize.

I have lingering images from prior to 1978.  That was about when Granny and Granddaddy sold their house and moved to Evadale.  There was something magical about that house.  When we would all get together for Christmas and Easter, it was so glamorous.  My lovely Mother and Daddy’s lovely sisters.  I remember Daddy wearing a suit and tie at Christmas.

Even after that, for almost 20 years till Mama left us, we would get together to have dinner all the time.  Sometimes a few of us, but several times a year a whole bunch of us.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends and all.  Sometimes here at this house, sometimes at Honey Island, sometimes at Saratoga.

I always dreamed of seeing the world.  Between stories of Daddy’s sailing days and Uncle Bo’s RV days, travel was always a dream of mine.  I wanted to be a National Geographic photographer or an anthropologist.  I wanted to be a great painter.  Like Georgia O’Keefe.  Famous while alive and not after I am dead.  I wanted to write a great novel that would be on the recommended reading list for students.

I am not unhappy with my life.  I had to choose between things.  Sometimes there really was no choice.  Love and duty dictated my actions.  I have chosen family and home over other adventures.  Life with my family and him has been an adventure!

But, these days, what choices do I have?  The world is wide open in some ways.  In a few years, God willing, I will be retired and still young enough to make a new path.  What will I do with the rest of my life?  What do I need to do now to prepare for the next book in the series of my adventure on this planet?

I keep looking for inspiration and direction.  I keep hoping for a light bulb type epiphany.  But, I know that sometimes all we get is the next moment, the next hour, today.   So, I am doing today.  And, trying to do it well. Even when it feels like I am stalled.  And I am feeling stalled.

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