Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I read many posts on Facebook. Honoring mothers living and remembering those passed.
My own is gone. His is gone as well. Yes. There are many moments I wonder how different my life would be had they still been here. I miss them. I love them. I long to see them.
But, I direct my focus to my children. To being a mother. Both of them are amazing people. They live incredible lives and create positive relationships with the people around them. I am proud of them and love them more than I can sometimes contain. So much love fills me it pours from my eyes in liquid form.
I always pushed them to never be afraid. To be cautious and careful and sensible, but never afraid. They are living out their dreams. No. Life is not perfect for any of us, but they take hold and run with the opportunities presented.
I am so very grateful for my parenting partner. He is still my hero. When we met, I was confused and afraid. He fought his way through the barriers I had created around me and took hold of my heart. I still keep barriers up around myself. I still think I have hidden things. But, on occasion, he makes a comment or something and I realize, he sees through the mask I wear.
He knows the hidden things. The struggles, the disappointments, the pain. He does not let me dwell on the negative things. When I am “off-stage”, I tend to be depressed and discouraged. He knows this and watches carefully to take action if I drift too close to the edge. How many times has he pulled me back from despair that overwhelms me?
He has been father and mother to me these many years. Poor fella! Yes, I miss my mother. Yes, I miss his mother. Yes, I adore our children more than I can express. Yes, I am grateful to Him for giving me him to be my strength, my courage, my champion, my guardian.
This was a great Monday. Work was great. The weekend past was great. Everything is great!
Makes me nervous. I keep my foot on the track to feel if a train is coming. I have lived for so long dealing with serious issues, I know no other way.
And anyway, a train is coming. A loved one has a devastating health diagnosis. We will have to pull together and help her and each other through the coming days. But, we, as a family, have one very critical strength. Humor. We have a sense of humor and laugh at the silliness of situations that arise from the very horrible things we face.
My mother’s visitation before her funeral sounded like a loud party. We laughed and talked as if she was sitting with us. She taught us to do that, as did her Mother. Laugh. Make a joke about something. Crying and wailing get you only a headache and puffy eyes.
Yes. Each of us cries privately and in small groups. But, you won’t find us all together moping and weeping. I remember us laughing at how pleased Mother would have been to know the size 12 dress fit that we bought to bury her in after she passed. My aunt and cousin shared how they got too tickled and laughing when my aunt couldn’t get my very ill cousin off the floor after she fell in the middle of the night. I can just see them wallowing like drunks and laughing trying to get her on her feet and back in her bed at the hospital. Humor. Why cry when you can laugh?
Laugh in the face of danger. Laugh at the silly little things. Laugh to keep the heart from bursting with pain. Laughter. His medicine. He promised a merry heart doeth good like a medicine. May we be blessed with laughter all the days to come.
P.S. He poked his head out the door while I was sitting on the porch. You are supposed to be orchiding, not watching videos…….acting like the boss of me….who does he think he is! He is the boss of me. Thank goodness. I need someone to take hold of my wild self and keep me in line. He needs me to make him laugh at all the silly little things that come out of my mouth. I am very good at making him laugh and shake his head many times just by laughing at myself. Good medicine for each other.