Hope

Difficult Times

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The past few weeks have been trying. Several areas of my life have been in turmoil.  I came home early from the 9 to 5 Monday.  I couldn’t stop crying.

I did what was needed to manage the situation. A little dinner, a little nap, a lot of Scripture and prayer. By the evening, I was better. Drained, but better.

Tuesday was better and today is going fine. Tomorrow is Friday Eve.  So all is well.

The weekend holds promise for a blessed time with the clowns…I mean the girls. Our party theme is clowns and our menu is salads.  I am going retro with a Jell-O molded shrimp salad.  I was thinking maybe my aunt’s Southwestern Salad would be a good one, too.

I should not have been so down after Saturday’s adventures. Fishing, breakfast at the lake, a nap, a buggy ride at the lease.  He and I had a great day.  I was feeling ill on and off all day Saturday, though.  I still don’t know if I was stressed and depressed or fighting a real illness.  That is the thing about the depression. It simulates the symptoms of a cold or the early stages of the flu.  Body aches, fatigue, fuzzy head.  I usually manage the thoughts and feelings pretty well.  Especially the thoughts.  The feelings and the body symptoms are the difficult part to manage.

A lot of prayer, some rest, some talking to golden friends, his nurturing love, His nurturing Love, all worked together to put me on track.

The cherry on top was a short video of a high-kicker from Cali! That made everything grand, again! Funny how grands will do that!

I cannot overstate how grateful I am for the healing I have experienced the past few years. Recovering from the devastating grief our family has suffered has been a slow process.  I still reel from it if I let myself think too much about who is missing in our lives.  But, the future is full of hope.  The future is full of beauty.  The future is full of love.  All the love from all the past loved ones will continue into the future through our generation to the next.

I recently read a book that asked what I would want to be remembered for at my passing. I hope I am remembered for believing in love and the power it holds to restore and renew and prosper the mind, heart and spirit.

My political statement: His Love Matters.

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The Feeling of Freedom

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One of the loveliest sites to me is an expanse of lush green lawn.  Neatly manicured and surrounded by a jungle of vegetation.  I like my flower beds and borders, but I love my lawn.  We have almost completely cleared up the area where the oak tree was removed.  The turf is damaged and of course the ground is bare where it’s shade and leaves restricted growth of grass.  It is still early enough in the season to recover the damaged areas.

 

I did change my plans about the flower bed at the front of the house.  I will restrict everything to the area nearest the house.  I will keep things along the fences and along the house.  I want to reduce the edges to maintain.  And again I want to keep the green expanse unbroken as much as possible.

 

Deep breaths of air.  The open area feels like deep breaths of air.  I feel the same when I am on the lake or at the sea shore.  A far horizon.  Even if it is only a few yards across the front yard.  Freedom.

 

What is freedom?  It is as personal in definition as terms like success or failure.  For some freedom means not being physically locked in chains.  For some freedom means no relationships to interfere with choices.  For some freedom means being able to walk without assistance.  No one is every truly free unless they are completely without confinement or relationships.  I have been reading the Tarzan series.  Even then, there is a law of survival that restricts him.  If one has a conscience, one is never free.  One is bound by honor, duty, integrity, love to respond with others than themselves considered.

 

But, one can still have a feeling of freedom.  Whether I stand on the lawn and breathe or float on the lake in the sunshine.  Or perhaps if I gaze into the eyes of one I love, I can feel the essence of freedom.  Freedom to love and be loved.

 

And freedom to love and accept myself.  Freedom to choose what to do with time not already committed.  Freedom to eat what I want, wear what I want, sleep when I want, where I want, read what I want, watch what movie I want, pray how I want, say what I want.  Simple freedoms.  Precious.  Blood bought.  Soldiers and sailors and Savior.  Blood bought freedom is mine.

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Our lush green lawn, watered with the blood of patriots and adventurers. Warriors and pioneers.  Deep breaths of freedom as I look over the open expanse.