Love

Tiny Duchess

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The year has started already and I am slow to start with it.  No resolutions. No new goals.  Just continue to make time with the Duchesses. 

The two older ones are busier these days. I will need to work harder to get in their schedule.  That is part of the process of growing up.  I am thankful I am still able to go and do with them. I am anxious to have a weekend with them again.  I am missing my no longer little Duchesses.

The little one has a hold on me like no one. The first two were a pair.  A lot of time we have is the two of them playing with each other. I suppose it is because in the first days of this Tiny Duchess, I was with my little one so much more.   Or more likely, it is the place I am in my life now.  Older, retired, more time on my hands.  Maybe it is just her.    

At any rate, if I go too many days without seeing her, I start to feel unsettled.  We are hoping she will be ready to spend the night with us soon.  She is like her Paw Paw.  Wants to sleep in her own bed in her own room at her own house.  Don’t tell Paw Paw, but Granny is getting that way, too.

Over my lifetime, I have spent a lot of time with little ones.  Babies and toddlers and preschoolers.  I have known a lot of very sharp little minds.  This tiniest Duchess seems to have an edge on all of them.  I did notice a touch of stubbornness yesterday.  Certainly not her father’s hard headedness, but just a little of wanting to do something and not as easily redirected. 

She is always talking about her Paw Paw.  Wakes up in the morning asking for him, cries for him when she gets tired.  He plays with her like a kid.  The baby whisperer, he has been called.

 Watch his face when he talks to a little one.  He is fully engaged and animated.  To the rest of the world, he is rough around the edges and tough as old boot leather.  But, with children, he is laughter and tickles and tumbling and racing.  It has been said very accurately that you cannot be sensitive and be friends with him.  That is true.  But, not for little ones, certainly not for the Duchesses.  And absolutely not for the Tiny Duchess. 

Forty Years

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January 2023 marks 40 years of life with Rock.  We met as high school students when he moved into the neighborhood.  The first time I saw him I thought “Wow! He’s gorgeous!” and immediately sighed inside thinking I had no chance with him.  But, for some reason, he liked what he saw in me.  I was a train wreck, though I didn’t know it.  I battled depression and anxiety and terribly low self-esteem.  He was raised to believe he could have whatever he wanted if he was willing to fight hard enough for it. I still praise the Lord he decided I was worth fighting for. 

His battle was against me not believing I could be loved enough, not believing I could be wanted. I need to be very clear on this point.  Nothing Mother or Daddy did caused my problems.  There were other elements in my life that contributed to my problems.  Rock only cared about loving me. 

And for 40 years he has done just that.  He has fought to keep our life on track and our children safe.  He fought to drag me out of the depths of grief and sadness while dealing with his own grief over the years. He raised our children to believe they too could have whatever they wanted if they were willing to fight for it. 

We live an adventure even now.  Between the children, the granddaughters, the longhorns, church, hunting, fishing, living in the Big Thicket, river life and lake life, we always have something going on.  We are still crazy about each other and he has helped me become someone I couldn’t have been without him.

I liken him to an ancient warrior.  His ancestry points to Scotland and I am reminded that even the Empire of Rome could not overtake his grandfathers.  I see that strength in him.  He is tough and strong and yes, he can be difficult. I love the difficult just as much as I do the tender and gentle parts of him. I tried to explain to someone one time that truly loving someone is to love the dark as much as the light parts of them.  To not only accept and tolerate, but to embrace the hard to handle parts, too.  

Contrary to popular belief, he has a tender heart that loves larger than life.  He adores his children and granddaughters.  He stays on alert for any sign of distress among our tiny family circle.  Anyone who causes even a little stress among us is forever excluded from his trust.  He keeps a small, tight circle around us. 

I praise Jesus for our life together.  Rock’s faith in Christ, his tenacity in life, his passion and strength keep me grounded and safe.  I never want to take for granted the love we share.  I am ever grateful for his choosing to love me.  I pray he knows how much I love him. We will celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary in June, but I am celebrating our 40th year of being in love. I love you, Rock.