I’m sitting at the south window of our bedroom looking out at sun dappled woods. The pale winter sky peaks through a mix of intricate gray lace and pine green plumes.
This is my darkest month. I have always struggled with the cold dark days of February. The odd thing about my trouble is that I love the winter. I love all the seasons in their turn. It doesn’t seem logical that I would struggle emotionally through any of them. I love the steel gray of the low sky that comes with the Southeast Texas winter. The long shadows that stretch across the land and the colored leaves which cling to trees till spring ones push them off at last.
I have promised myself I will do all the things needed to not let the bottom fall out of my emotions. What are all the things? Seeking sunlight at every opportunity. Lighting candles everywhere. Soaking in a hot tub of bath water in the evenings. Getting fully dressed even when staying in for the day. Riding with him when he goes on cow business. Making time for friends. Making time for Duchesses. Making myself see the beauty around me.
I have set myself a real challenge. This Valentine weekend, I plan to have both Duchesses spend two nights. We may go to a birthday party Saturday I’ve been invited to or we may stay here and have the tea party I had already planned. It will depend on how well we all sleep Friday night for the most part.
Thinking about the weekend, making plans, gathering supplies, making ready has been a very good way to keep the gloomies at bay. Looking forward to all the love and affection exchanged between the three of us is a perfect way to keep my heart up.
Most importantly, I am trusting in the Lord to comfort me as He always has. Rock helps me get through this. I have him and some others who pray specifically for my difficult days of winter.
This year they don’t seem so dark after all…………………
Saturday was a sad and beautiful day. One of my best friends laid her mother to rest. Our pastor, the son-in-law, spoke beautifully of his mother-in-law. Everything was perfect.
Afterward, I went to our daughter’s new house. It’s an old house really, in the heart of Liberty. It oozes charm and is full of light. I did a few things around the yard.
Then, Sunday, the whole crew turned out to move them in to their new home. Our son and his bride and Duchess came. My sister-friend from the time I was ten years old came. Our daughter’s dear co-worker and friend came. Rock, of course, was there with the cattle trailer.
We loaded every vehicle and the trailer and headed to Liberty. Unloaded, baked some store-bought lasagna, laughed and talked. The Duchesses had a gingerbread house to work on thanks to a foreseeing daughter-in-love. The ice box got thoroughly cleaned and both ovens used. We had cheesecake to honor the memory of one of ours gone on before us.
We brought a redone table and chairs for the dining room. We need a lot more chairs! But the Duchesses had a spot to sit to eat and then later, to decorate the gingerbread houses.
The centerpiece is from Mother. It is her crocheted doily and her grandfather’s buttermilk pitcher. I wanted our daughter to have something from the grandmother who adored her so much the very first time we gathered there.
I might be as excited, if not more, about our girl’s house. We spent all of Saturday before last cleaning it. I realized later what is so endearing to me about it. The windows in the front rooms, the oldest section, have windows like my old house. Tall with sills close to the floor. Reminds me of a house I have loved most of my life. The old house still exists, empty and changed some, in a museum of structures. The house still exists even more in my dreams and imagination. Now, at our daughter’s, there is a structure I really can go to and visit with family or sit with a cup of coffee and feel the light.
After I had driven by the house before the final signing, I told my daughter I finally understood why for years, my heart had been saying: go home to Liberty. Yes. I foresee many more good days to come in a new old house in Liberty, Texas.