Love

Risk

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Last evening, a phone call with devastating news nearly took me down.  Without discussing private family business, let me say, we will get through this together.

The journey will be difficult and tragic.  The outcome will not be joyful.  But, we will get through it together.

We have weathered severe circumstances before and come out the other side damaged but afloat.  We will do so again.

He called me several times today.  My Monday morning at the 9-5 was spent battling a weak computer and a new payroll system.  Tears of frustration and tears of panicked grief from the news of the phone call last night alternated for a few hours.  Finally, I got my feet under me.  A large part of my recovery was because he called.  He called again.  And again, he called.

I realized the reason later as I sat in my car for my lunch break, breathing in fresh air and feeling the sun on my skin.  So many times over our many years together, he has seen me crater.  He has seen me fall apart at the seams.  He has seen me implode.

Sometimes the process is slow and not so noticeable. But, in recent years, he has figured out how to handle me.  He has figured out what to do and what to say to keep me from going under with the weight of grief.  Goodness knows we have had our share.  During one call he simple told me that I can’t stop what is happening.  There is no purpose in letting myself fall.  I said I have to feel the pain.  He said yes, but I don’t have to get lost in it.  Not in those exact words.  But that was the message.

Such is the risk of love.  When the heart is allowed to love another and that other is in peril, the heart breaks.  But, the mind and the spirit does not have to break along with it.  A peaceful mind and a brave spirit will pull the broken heart up and lay it in the Light of the Son for His Healing.  Time is a joker.  Only Love truly heals.

May we have Mercy and Grace in the days to come.

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The Donut Man

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Sometimes writing this feels like the man in the old Dunkin Donuts commercial.  “Time to make the donuts…” as he drags out of bed well before the rest of the world of is awake.

I pull up my word document and begin typing.  I don’t know what will come out or where it will go.  That is the interesting part.  What am I thinking today?  What am I feeling?  The posts are definitely of the moment.  If I am having a bad time of it at the moment, the post is sad.  If I am having a good time of it at the moment, the post is happy.

I am feeling simply quiet.  Today was a holiday for me from work.  Texas Independence Day.  I have spent the weekend moving forward.  Friday, I picked up some novels at the used book store, a couple of movies on DVD at buy one get one free.  I replaced the quilts on our bed with new ones.  I read one of the books on Saturday.  We visited a new church on Sunday.  My wash is done up.  I have a menu plan working for the week.  My clothes outfits are planned for the work week.  The house is tidy.  Supper is cooked.  Dishes pending.

I would say I have had an orchid kind of weekend.  Not every weekend is full of outings and people.  I am very pleased with the things I have accomplished.  No.  I did not get it all done.  There are still some things I have not completed.  But, I feel rested and content.  Isn’t that a good thing for the end of a weekend?

I have made some plans to maintain forward motion.  I love to make lists.  I have made yet another list of simple things to remember to do when I am not moving forward.  Things like: assemble the next meal’s ingredients, lay out my clothes for the next day, read a book.  My 9 to 5 has enough challenge and stress.  I need simple things at home.

I hope starting March this way sets a pattern for the month.  I need space to rest and turn off my whirlwind thoughts.  I had a restful time.  The plan is to have a productive week at work and at home.  And naturally there is a plan B, C and D.  Not really.  I just try to remain flexible and adjust as the days flow.

I continue to work on ways to better care for him.  He is my priority.  It may not seem like it sometimes.  I try to look put together for him.  I try to cook better for him.  I try to keep up with my chores for him.  Clean clothes, clean dishes, a tidy home, groceries bought, meals cooked.  Yes. It is old-fashioned.  But, I have the time, talent, knowledge, and the heart’s desire to do it.  I do it for me as well.  But, I do it differently because of him.  I can’t quite explain how it is different than if it was just for me.  But it is.  Simply because I love him with all my heart.  I want him to have a long, happy, healthy life.  I will continue to do whatever I can to contribute to that life.

 

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