illness

Train Wreck

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Today, I feel like a train wreck.

I didn’t do what I had planned and prepared to do on Saturday.  Instead, I went with him to the woods.  Twofold.  Dust, pollen, jarring ride made for physical problems.  Failure to achieve my Saturday goals made for mental stress.  Stop watching the water already gone under the bridge.

Sunday was bittersweet.  Yes. I had time with my family.  But, the guest of honor was not able to join us due to her illness.  We shed tears.   But, we laughed as well.  We scheduled another event.

Caught up in our own busy-ness, we let weeks turn to months and then to years.  Let us put away regret and remorse.  Let us stand hand in hand laughing and loving as we go.  We have some tough bridges to cross together.

Today was just Monday.  Too many demands on my mind and my time.  The day started badly.  It slowly improved.  Now, I am simply tired.   The evening is bridging my day into night.

Upon my arrival home, he had fresh coffee made.  We had a bite of supper and I washed up the dishes.  Then he sent me to get a bath.  “You have orchiding to do.”

So here I am.  Tapping away.  Yawning.  Trying to string together words that might make sense.  Like boxcars on a track.  One word after another.  Trying not to derail as I cross over the trestle bridging into sleep.

Sleep is no relief.  I either don’t sleep well or my dreams are too vivid.  Oh, well.  I don’t think this post is  chugging along well.  Maybe I should have written about the turtle instead.

 

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Dreams

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I love the night. When I am outside sitting around a fire with friends.  Or when I am walking down a moonlit sandy road. Or sitting on the porch listening to the night sounds.

I don’t love the night when my dreams become tumultuous and full of drama. I did not post last evening.  I went to bed very early again.  I am battling the symptoms of the illness that plagues me.  My dreams did not allow peaceful rest.

I have always dreamed in full action Technicolor and remember much of details and moods. Some dreams I never forget.  They live in my memory as if they really happened.  Sometimes a dream mood will stay with me after I awake. I have had dream moods stay with me for days.

I have learned to redirect dreams even while sleeping through them. I will awaken remembering how a dream was deteriorating into a nightmare and I had changed the scenes to avoid disaster.  I don’t always have success, though.  Last night, the dream deteriorated into chaos and panic.  I woke myself to get out of the hysterical state I had entered.

I wake up still tired many mornings. Some would avoid sleep to avoid such problems.  There is a good side to this.  Many of my dreams are better than a movie.  Adventure, beautiful scenery, even good drama.  I love when I have those good dreams.

Recently, I had a clear and vivid dream of his mother. She has been gone from us many years, but in my dream I got a wonderful hug from her and could hear her voice and see her clearly.

It happens sometimes. Someone I love who has passed on will appear in my dreams.  Clear and well and full of love.  I will take the bad dreams if it means I will also have the good dreams.  Dreams that become memories as surely as if they happened in life and not just in my mind.

 

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