journal

Slow Start

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My 2022 is starting slow.  I am trying to get over a sinus allergy flare up.  Haven’t gotten anything done I had hoped the first week. 

However, it may be a good thing.  It has made me pause before I get off in to some projects that are only half way planned.  With the holidays past and the new year launched, I feel the countdown to my July birthday going.  I always try to get things done January till July and be able to have an assessment of progress at my birthday.

I spent a lot of time in December and all last week reflecting on things past.  Trying to not become morose over the passage of time and the passing of loved ones.  I want to be sure I utilize every day to create a life I love living.

I scribble in a journal constantly.  Ideas, happenings, goals, lists, memories of yesterday and of many years ago.  A life is supposed to be examined.  Mine is often over examined.  Second guessing everything.  I have so many ideas that I generate and talk myself out of pursuing.  I always feel I will be wasting resources if something doesn’t work out or I don’t follow through.  Rather than take a risk, I reason with myself that it isn’t needful. 

That is why I am always so amazed and so proud of our children when they take risks, large and small, to pursue their dreams.  I always told them to not let fear get in the way.  Maybe this year I will take my own advice.

I don’t have any bungee jumping type ideas, just a desire to take care of some long-shelved ideas.  Stories to write.  Artwork to craft.  People to see.  Come on 2022, let’s get a move on.

This photo was sent to me from my Rock several years ago. Sunrise at Rayburn. And the morning star.

Trending

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I have been noticing and reading about hygge.  It is trending in my web orbit on various sites.  As I read about it, I am not finding anything new to me.  The Danes are crediting with creating a way to survive the long, cold winters by doing certain things.

Here in Southeast Texas, long cold winters don’t happen.  However, we do have days strung together of damp, grey rain.  This morning is one.  Yesterday was one.

As long as I can remember, I have set myself to enjoy such days.  I have the curtain drawn back and the window open to hear the rain.  The lights are low.  A candle flickers.  My pillows are propping me up as I snuggle under my coverlets.  A cup of tea is steaming on the nightstand.  I have my journal at hand to scribble my thoughts.

I have spent time this morning thinking and planning.  Pondering where I want to go with the projects I am working through this month.  As an update, over the past week, I have hauled off some odds and ends to the charity shop.  I have added things to the costume box for our daughter’s theater.  I have dumped some projects.  I will be continuing to haul off the junk associated with those projects.

Additionally, I have determined to dump the mindset that tells me I must have everything on our place clean and orderly before I can actually feel happy, content or satisfied.  Several years ago, in an effort to fight off this very mindset, I wrote an exhaustive list of all the things necessary to achieve such a situation.  I actually included: no fire ants anywhere on the place.  We live on seven acres in Southeast Texas.  I included no fire ants.  Of course, it was one of those extreme exercises designed to show me how ridiculous are my thought processes.  In the quiet of this morning, I recalled that and laughed all over again.

What does that have to do with now?  I have some items on that very list that are not so ridiculous still holding sway over me.  I am determined to rewrite the tape that plays in my head.  “If this, then that” goes round and round.  If I could get this done, I could have that.  But, I am like the mule at the millstone going round in circles chasing the carrot that dangles on the line out in front of me.

Already I have significantly reduced the incoming flow of stuff.  I have unloaded things.  I am focusing on the things I really want to pursue.  Not pursuing them, yet. I am thinking about those things rather than the carrot dangling out there.

I am allowing myself to truly enjoy the art of doing nothing.  I am giving myself permission to be happy with being imperfect.  I am granting myself leave to embrace my oddities.  I was once described by a friend as one who marches to the beat of her own drummer.  I have tried so hard to seem normal.  To be less strange.  To not distance people with my weirdness.  I am giving myself permission to let it all go and see what stays.  See who stays.

This is a good trend to follow.  “To thine own self be true.”  What year did W.S. write that?  After 400 years, it is still a good trend to follow.

candle