Too Many

I am late writing this evening.  My day was a little busy and then I got home late and Rock had to remind me I hadn’t written.  I’ve had several topics floating around in my head for a couple of weeks. Nothing has settled with them yet, though.

Except maybe this thing. Too many.  Too many choices.  Too many opportunities.  Too many decisions.  When there were only a few choices of ice cream flavors, I could easily decide on chocolate.  Nowadays, it is hard to find the chocolate among all the many flavors available.  Interestingly, I now prefer vanilla or strawberry.  Blue Bell vanilla is easy to find. Strawberry is not.

When there were only three channels to watch, it was easy to just turn off the television and go do something else.  Maybe not so much more interesting than a favorite show, but better than what happened to be on at the time.  Now, there are so many “may be interesting” things to watch on so many different channels, plus the options to record many shows at one time for later viewing, I get caught up in too many from which to choose.

Coffee has become complicated.  I used to buy one kind of coffee and make in a plain old coffee maker.  I have an electric percolator now that I like to use, but I also have several blends of coffee to brew. I have flavored instants and a French press, too.  And several “favorite” coffee cups.

So many different recipes and foods to choose. Restaurants on every corner with all different types of cuisine.  Bottled beverages of such profusion, the cooler section takes up large walls in convenience stores.  Chips are even coming in limited edition varieties.  As if there weren’t enough flavors to figure out. 

Bookstores look like supermarkets.  Supermarkets look like malls.  And I am even lost and confused in garden centers sometimes. 

All this pondering has a recent trigger.  I would like to paint the bathroom.  That means the daunting task of selecting a paint color.  Just the right shade.  Not too light. Not too dark.  Not too green. Not too blue.  That leaves a few dozen to consider.  I really not that tired enough of the pale blue on the walls to go through all that effort.

I have never been one of those people who could say I like this and only this and that over there isn’t this, so I am not interested.  I don’t know if I am too curious or too uncertain of my own choices.  It took me forty-five years to decide on my favorite color.  Nearly that long to choose a favorite flower. 

I can barely work my way through the complicated process of a coffee shop.  I usually just get a café au lait or vanilla latte.  Though my pal and I got pumpkin spice lattes just for fun last week.  One time I ordered a Marilyn Monroe.  Though I am pretty certain, cream and sugar were her only options when she was around, this one had white chocolate in it, I think.

I came across a line someplace that basically advised to pick something and stick with it. I am trying to apply it to my thoughts.   Just figure out once and for all what is preferred by me and stop jumping around trying to not miss the latest flavor or flower or candle scent or color or style trend. 

Poor Rock. I will still be rearranging the furniture and swapping where I keep things.  But maybe he won’t be subject to so many other topsy turvy situations where I am concerned.  Maybe, I said.

He is pretty tolerant of my rearranging everything, though he makes fun of it and acts like it drives him crazy.  He is actually very tolerant and very supportive of most of my hare brained schemes.  He does help me not fall off cliffs, too.  I can never say too many times how blessed I am being his wife.  Never too many hugs.  Never too many kisses.  Never too many “I love you” whispers between us.

Blue Winter

Silly of me to feel this way.  I have had a blue winter day.  The sunshine of the island and the false spring days we have had lately didn’t stick with me today.  The gray sky and cold rain got me.   At least for part of the day.  I let myself get blue for a while.

I seem to have turned the mood around.  I switched to the 70’s music station on the television and actually did a little dancing.  Ironically, in front of the same mirror I danced before when it was the early 80s. I didn’t like dancing alone so I always danced in front of my mirror.  Tried it today to see if it would work on my blue mood.  Yes. It did.  Thank goodness.

Every time I have a down time, I fear the return of the black depression that has plagued me on and off through the years.

Lately, I have had some down days.  But, my thoughts haven’t really been down.  I feel more like I am bored.  I am busy, but not at anything very engaging or interesting.  I am slightly embarrassed to admit this.  I believe intelligence should overcome boredom.

Perhaps, I am reacting to job stress.  Maybe I have my thought processes zoned out to keep from stressing about the upcoming audit and the needs of my current position.  Not enough hours in the work week to do all that needs doing.  No overtime allowed at all.  Period.  This will be my third such audit that comes along every three years.  I always lose sleep over it.  We have always had great outcomes.  Nevertheless, I fret.  May is forever away and just around the corner.

Perhaps, I am unwilling to do things at home to make myself feel better.  I have been reading for pleasure.  I have a simple crocheted scarf almost completed.  I have a few crafting projects awaiting.  Even better than all this I have a wedding to help put together for our daughter.  Only parents and siblings and his daughter on the guest list, but still I want the event to be special and memorable for her.

Still, I have a gap in my attention.  I pass time piddling on Facebook or Pinterest, puttering around the house trying to keep up with the housekeeping, occasionally doing something in the yard.  Mindless things.  I need something to hold my attention and get my mind focused on the task at hand.

A hobby?  Yes.  I suppose a hobby other than reading and writing.  I hesitate to delve into something.  I can’t recall how many projects for which I have bought supplies and tools yet not completed or even started.   The tools and supplies are usually passed on to other crafters.  As I stated, I have a few projects I could do but not enough enthusiasm for them to drag stuff out and begin.

Frustrated.  That is it for me right now.  I was busier with projects when the children were young and Mother and Daddy needed my help than now when I have hours I could spend creatively.

What is the problem?  What do I really want to do with my time and creative energy?  Am I overreaching the issue?  Probably.  Break down the problem.  What do I really want to do this week with my time and energy?  Do I want to work out patterns to cut felt pieces for ornaments?  Do I want to get a darker washable ink to draw on the fabric I have been trying to embroider with my own design?  Do I want to try again to smear paint on a piece of canvas?  Would I rather write a draft of a new poem?  Should I work on the painted finish of the stool in the bathroom?

I have a friend or two I need to make time to call.  I have a cousin I need to call and hopefully be able to assist.  I have a birthday party to attend.

And always, I have him…..he needs attention.  I love giving him attention.  Sometimes, he lets me.  Sometimes, he is busy with his own projects.  When my blue winter days come, he gives me attention.  He turns the blue to silver and the gleam of delight returns to my heart.  I am ever mindful of him and what he might need from me.  After all, he is my favorite hobby.  And definitely never boring!