I am a compulsive list maker. I think I have written about this before. But, it has come up again in my thoughts.
I have lists of all kinds of things. I have books of lists I have made over the years. I don’t just make lists of things to do. I make lists of things I like, things I want to learn, books or movies or songs I want. I make lists of favorites such as colors, flowers, animals. Places I want to go, meals I want to cook, stories I want to write. Lists of values, strengths, weaknesses. All kinds of things.
Why? I often ask myself that question. I don’t know if I am trying to remember things or trying to figure out things. I used to get frustrated because I didn’t have a single favorite color. I didn’t have a single favorite flower. I always thought that was a flaw in my mental processes. That it meant I was unable to decide or to commit to something so simple.
Finally, I resigned myself to being uncommitted and discovered my favorite color is aquamarine and my favorite flower is the orchid. One of the wall colors of our bedroom is aquamarine. The empress of flowers has so many faces; it is easy to love her. Enough variety and color to satisfy my ever changing mood.
I make lists of outfits and define elements of styles. Clothes, home décor, gardening. Anything is subject to being listed. Pinterest boards are magical picture lists. I go through phases of collecting, rearranging and discarding pins and boards. My dream come true site!
I have common lists of things to do each day and tasks or special projects I am working toward. The items on those lists are marked through when completed or when I have talked myself out of it. Sometimes an item will get transferred to a long term list.
I suppose I have benefited from the lists. I have accomplished many things through the years. I keep my home and its business in pretty good shape considering my life circumstances. I have worked through some problems and figured out some issues. Some resolved, some simply defined.
I hope to be able to understand what drives me each day to do the things I do. I don’t want to get to the end and not have at least tried to know myself well enough to behave well toward others. What does having a favorites’ list have to do with that? Nothing really. It is simply an offshoot of hours of day dreaming and digging into my thoughts. Always wondering and pondering and wrestling with the mental and emotional world inside.
Always trying to be better at being Me each day. One list at a time.