Unexpected

He took me to the river to fish Saturday.  I did not expect the opportunity to go.  I caught a fish and got some sun on my legs.  It was hot already.

We saw the big alligator where we have seen him before.  We saw another one just as big where we had not seen one before.  Unexpected surprise!  Two giants in the same slough.

He turned the boat upriver and surprised me with a run all the way to the dam.  There were stretches of river with whitecaps.  Very unusual.  The river is still high from the recent heavy rains.  Several large trees have collapsed into the river channel.

I received news of changes coming for my son and his wife.  They will be moving from Maui to Oahu in June.   This was not anticipated.  But, it will be just fine.  They will be just fine.

My niece and her family are coming to spend a couple of nights with us over the upcoming holiday weekend.  An unexpected treat!  Naturally, he and I are already busy ensuring the house is in order to provide a pleasant and safe environment for the little ones.

While preparing the guest room that also serves as my dressing room, I found an unexpected bonus.  Apparently, when I pulled my summer clothes from under the bed, I missed a bag!  A big bag of clothes I didn’t know I had!  One of my favorite summer tops was in it.  I had forgotten about it.

I wonder what else I have forgotten.  So many things happen through the course of the days and weeks and years.  People I have known.  Places I have been.  Things I have done, seen, said, heard.

My mind does not process things in a way to recall some things.  I remember odd things most people don’t seem to notice, but can’t recall things that happened last week.  There are important events I know I don’t remember.  I have always been this way.  I spend so much time lost in my own thoughts and processing my own ideas and imaginings, I don’t do the thinking processes needed to remember some things.

While it does cause some distress when someone is talking about something I should recall, it provides me with unexpected memories.  Usually with some prompting, I will remember at least part of some occurrence.

Oh, well.  I am sure other folks have some issue or other in their thought processes to manage.  Some deal with fear or anxiety.  Some deal with pessimism or anger.  Some deal with a sense of inferiority.  I don’t fret over my mental lapses.  Mine sometimes provides me with unexpected delight.  Like a bag of clothes.  Gators, on the other hand, I am not likely to forget.

Yes.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  I read many posts on Facebook.  Honoring mothers living and remembering those passed.

My own is gone.  His is gone as well.  Yes.  There are many moments I wonder how different my life would be had they still been here.  I miss them.  I love them.  I long to see them.

But, I direct my focus to my children.  To being a mother.  Both of them are amazing people.  They live incredible lives and create positive relationships with the people around them.  I am proud of them and love them more than I can sometimes contain.  So much love fills me it pours from my eyes in liquid form.

I always pushed them to never be afraid.  To be cautious and careful and sensible, but never afraid.  They are living out their dreams.  No.  Life is not perfect for any of us, but they take hold and run with the opportunities presented.

I am so very grateful for my parenting partner.  He is still my hero.  When we met, I was confused and afraid.  He fought his way through the barriers I had created around me and took hold of my heart.  I still keep barriers up around myself.  I still think I have hidden things.  But, on occasion, he makes a comment or something and I realize, he sees through the mask I wear.

He knows the hidden things.  The struggles, the disappointments, the pain.  He does not let me dwell on the negative things.  When I am “off-stage”, I tend to be depressed and discouraged.  He knows this and watches carefully to take action if I drift too close to the edge.  How many times has he pulled me back from despair that overwhelms me?

He has been father and mother to me these many years.  Poor fella!  Yes, I miss my mother.  Yes, I miss his mother.  Yes, I adore our children more than I can express.  Yes, I am grateful to Him for giving me him to be my strength, my courage, my champion, my guardian.

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