Still the Same

I’ve been reading some of my first posts in 2014.  All these years and they are still true.  Some issues remain unresolved.  Some issues have simply been deleted rather than resolved. I am still busy, but have more space between activities.

One thing I can say about myself.  I am persistent.  I perceive myself as being a quitter.  But, after reviewing my earliest posts, I seem to be steadily seeking a similar scenario.  I do have the same ambitions as I have always had.  To paint, to write, to dance.

I still love time with my family.  My family has certainly expanded! The duchesses have helped me filter through things I have been holding on to.  Just this past week, our daughter and her husband bought their first house.  That is helping me filter through things, too, somehow. Of course, several items here in this house have been saved for when she had a home to call her own. 

I continue to work on building deeper friendships.  I have been trying to be more open and vulnerable with three ladies I adore.  One is getting ready for her son’s wedding; one is mourning the loss of her mother this very day; and one is missed terribly.  She and I worked together for years and only have occasional visits. 

I have some pieces of writing done.  I have one in progress.  It has begun with the death of a young woman.  I don’t even know if she fell or was pushed.  The story is still so new.  I started it in the middle of my daily journal scribbles and it needs to be transcribed on to the computer so I can continue to work on it. 

There is a table and chairs I rescued a few years ago.  They needed refinishing, but not badly enough for me to do it for myself.  That new house of our daughter’s needs a dining table. I am refinishing the table and chairs!

The holidays are nearly upon us.  Thanksgiving feasts, Christmas decorating and baking, a few gifts to do up with paper, ribbon and bows.  Some family and friends I want to see. And one fella I am very fond of is turning 60.  I look forward to celebrating his birthday.  Nearly lost him two years ago.  How precious are family ties. 

Yes, many things are still the same after all these years of writing Raining Orchids.  And the second one I wrote spoke of how much I love Rock and how much I depend on him for strength and courage and protection. 

From January 2014:

He is just over there on the tractor, clearing some brush. He is close enough to see and if I suddenly need to touch him, I can walk over to him. He was gone fishing with his tournament partner Saturday and Sunday. Sure was a long couple of days.
I am grateful I feel this way about him. We met and fell in love thirty-one years ago this month. We’ve been through some fires and some storms. We’ve been through some miracles and some magical places. Our connection, our marriage, our love has taken on a lovely patina. I cherish him and I cherish us. I am thankful.

Some things have only grown richer and more lovely. 

Housewife

I was reading back through some of my old journals recently.  There is a pattern of trying to work out how to get things lined out like I want them.  Things like how the house is arranged or a schedule to keep up with the chores.  I recall when the children were small and we lived in California.  Our house there was sparsely furnished.  We didn’t have much stuff in the way of toys, books, clothes, dishes, tools, etc. 

Over the course of a lifetime, we have accumulated a lot of things.  I drag home junk from the thrift stores, book sales or Walmart.  He drags home stuff from the feed store or cattle auction or someplace.  Our parents and grandparents and others are gone and we absorbed some things from their lives.  It adds up over time.  A little here and a little there.  Before I know it, I’ve got too much. 

Periodically, I go through things and pile stuff in the jeep and haul it to the charity shop.  Some things end up in my daughter’s prop room and costume closet in her theater class.  We have bingo at church and at a ladies’ retreat for which I donate prizes.  I am not above re-gifting something if it doesn’t work out for me and I know the recipient would love it. 

There is that age old rule: a place for everything and everything in its place.  I sometimes watch the shows with the hoarders.  I used to watch the one with the team that would come in and clean up and organize things for people who weren’t actually hoarders, just overloaded and overwhelmed.

I have to walk through my house and remind myself that what I do have stored isn’t really all that much.  I don’t have a basement or garage or even a shed for storage.  I have very little in boxes aside from three or four medium size tubs of Christmas decorations.  I must confess a few too many toys for certain little girls.  And far too many dishes and pots and pans and books.  (No comment needed on this subject from Rock!)

I still dream of the days when we first moved in to the house at Campers Cove and when we lived on Monterey Bay.  Maybe it’s not so much the place, but the time.  Our children were little and growing into the fine adults they have become.  Maybe it’s the little boy and the little girl who used to fill those houses that I miss.

I knew then these days would come. I tried to slow down time.  To hold them in my arms a little longer.  But, the sands of time are steady and sure.  They made their way into the world and have created their own little ones to love. 

If I had some advice to give younger wives and mothers, it would be to keep it simple.  Eat on paper plates all week if it’s going to be one of those.  Don’t try to have everything perfect all at one time.  Give things a lick and a promise and let it go.  I finally figured out that no one was going to come inspect my house or feature it in a magazine.  I guess the equivalent now is that no one is going to post pictures of my house on Instagram unless it’s me.  And only I can see the pile of clothes on the bed that I didn’t fold yesterday behind me while I photograph this staged set for the world to see.

One praise for my Rock among many.  Back when the children were home, he would often have to find his clean socks in the laundry basket of clothes waiting to be folded and put away.  He never complained.  They were clean and he was okay with that.  More modern women will howl why didn’t he fold and put away the clothes.  I have always had an easier job and shorter work hours and an easy commute. It’s the way we want things.  I also take out my own trash.  I tease him that he doesn’t even know where the kitchen is.  Perspective, attitude, expectations.   

One of my favorite subjects to read and study about is housekeeping.  The craft of it.  The history of it.  The lore and mysteries of it.  The oldest profession is not what most claim.  Eve was the first one to build a fire and create a hearth for the men to come home to.  I am one of the most ancient of sisterhoods when I claim my title of house wife or homemaker.  I spent 27 years splitting my time and energy with a 9 to 5.  Many of those years, there were children at home and ailing parents to care for.  My job outside my home was never more than a job for me.  I had no special training or degree or career to follow out there.  My career is and has always been that of home keeper. House wife.  Rock’s house wife. 

How do I want my days to feel?  When I lay down at night, I want to be sure I haven’t let frustrations over temporal things get in the way of eternal things.  Yet, I often do.  Even now. Retired. Too much time on my hands most days.  I still get off track, distracted by things that aren’t in line with my expectations for my days. At the end of the day, did I do what was needed to take care of him.  Did he have a good supper?  Does he have clean clothes for tomorrow?  Did I take care of the household business for the day? 

What is needful?  Nutritious food, something to drink, a comfortable bed, clean clothes to wear, a warm shower. Love and cheerful companionship, affection and attention.  If a home has that, whether two people, one person and a critter, or a whole passle of folks, then that home has more than most of the rest of the world.  Rock and I are blessed.  Don’t know why us, but very grateful to the Lord for it. 

I’m sure I will keep rearranging furniture and sorting through things to get rid of one way or another.  I don’t think I will ever have things as simple as they were on Monterey Bay or even at Campers Cove. But, it’s a goal.  Something to strive for.  Everyone one needs something to work on and to feel some joy at accomplishment over.  For my simple heart, I have my housekeeping as a career.  This vocation along with a little dancing barefoot in the kitchen and passionate kisses and I am one very happy old gal!  Enough of this for today.  I’ve got some clothes to fold……………feeling some orchids raining.