Happy Birthday To Me!!

I am 56 years old today.  My children called, of course, and asked me what I am doing today.  Cleaning house, naturally.  It is what I do.  For me cleaning house usually includes moving a piece of furniture or some pile of stuff I no longer want wherever it is piled. 

It’s a joke with my immediate family.  My older duchess fusses about my moving things around in the house.  Thoroughly encouraged by her Paw Paw.  She’s going to be fussing next time she comes even though I discussed some of my plans with her.  I moved our bed to another wall where I prefer it.  And in the green room I turned a bed a different direction and swapped two bookcases relocating the television that sits on top of one.

 I refer to the extra bedroom as the green room because it has a pretty moss green carpet.  I have two queen beds, a full-size iron bed and three large bookcases full of books situated around the room.  This is the room the girls and I sleep in when they come to visit.  We always watch television when we go to bed. The kitty cat movie was the only thing going for a long time.  That is Disney’s Aristocats. Recently, we’ve been watching the original Scooby Doo cartoons I have recorded.  This is why the moving of the television might be an issue.  She will likely make some comments about it and we will laugh at Granny always moving stuff.

Once upon a time, when I pulled the furniture out from the wall to clean behind it every few weeks, I would put the furniture back someplace different.  I would often just get up in the morning and without really planning, I would move things as I cleaned.  Large pieces of furniture. Like beds and dressers and sofas.  See the opening line of this post?  I don’t do that as often as I once did.  I guess that is one barometer of my aging body.  I am less likely to dig in to big projects.

Nevertheless, I did move a lot of furniture yesterday.  Pulling the books and “artifacts” as I call my collection of junk, was a big project.  I did get a chance to be reminded of some of the books I have accumulated and not taken the time to read. 

Another project I tackled over the past few weeks is relocating an old project.  I was in my twenties when I set some broken pieces of concrete from my great grandparent’s porch into an amateur patio.  I pulled out those pieces that were now in the middle of the cow lot and with his helpful tractor skills, we moved the blocks over here to the back of the porch.  I set in a new amateur patio as the first step toward a Houdash pond. Granny Sally always had a Houdash pond in her yard.  Wherever she lived, she put one in. Just a hole dug out and lined it with cement mixed in a wheelbarrow and spread by hand to make it hold water. That would then become the focal point for tropical plants and hold a few goldfish.  The goldfish did well if the pond was deep enough to discourage the fishing coons.  

I had one at our house at Camper’s Cove.  It was right outside the living room windows.  I dug it in August after dark one year.  There was a gutter that ran off the roof straight in to it and kept it flushed, filled and fresh.  Granny’s ponds were refilled with rainwater and a water hose, as needed.  My new one will be the same.

Why do I do all this?  Rearranging furniture, moving and situating my personal things, digging in the dirt, planting and tending things that grow.  Even sorting out and rearranging my clothes in the closet play a part.  Trying to satisfy the urge to create beauty and order from chaos.  To be simply creative. No matter how primitive my efforts.  I enjoy the process.  More times than not, I enjoy the product. 

He doesn’t seem to mind all my eccentricities.  He often offers to help with the big stuff and always helps when I ask for it.  I couldn’t do a lot of it without his support and wouldn’t without his approval.  I try to run things by him that will affect his movements.  Mostly, he just lets me go and do.  My projects are usually recycled materials and found objects.  If I can’t do 98% of the actual work myself, I skip it.  It’s the doing that counts and having what I’ve done my self. I don’t know any other woman that would be satisfied with my creations.  That’s okay.  I do it for me anyway. 

There is a new component to my work.  There are two duchesses who come to play here sometimes.  I recall how much I loved my grandmother’s tropical landscape.  I am trying to recreate one for myself and for them.  When they are older and see a banana tree or cannas blooming, they can recall summers playing in the shade of the bananas and ooing over the bright tropical blooms of the cannas.  And remember how much they are loved by a tolerant Paw Paw and an eccentric Granny. 

Wintertime (Spring) Cleaning

I am definitely not trying to hasten spring. The winter is needed. I simply want to be ready for the spring when it does arrive.  Here in this part of the world, the spring flowers will be blooming by early March. Summer arriving by mid-May or sooner. I want to be done with the clearing out and cleaning up and rearranging and deciding now, when the wind is chill and the skies gray and sullen. When the jasmine covers the pines, I want to be ready to get out there and smell it.

Once upon a time, houses were heated by coal or wood. Kerosene, fat candles, gaslight were used to see in the twilight days.  The soot made it needful to wash everything down in the spring at the returning of the warm sunshine. It would be too soon to clean in the midst of the winter. One would wait until the windows could be flung open and freshness could blow through the home.  These days, in our air tight dwellings, there is little fresh air any time without deliberateness of the housekeeper.

This is a new time for me. I have retired. Not since I was 20 something have I had the leisure to plan my work over days and weeks rather than around school schedules, care of parents, working days. It does not seem to appeal to women these days to want to simply keep house. It is difficult for even me who loves to keep house to find “permission” to do just that.  I have a nagging in my mind that I am wasting valuable time and energy in such a mundane pursuit. 

But is my pursuit mundane? According to the Lord, any productive work is honorable done with the right heart.  Washing dishes and mopping the floor are honorable tasks.  It is needful for a home to run well. So why shouldn’t I give myself permission to pursue what has all along been my dream? Keeping a well-run house.

I had the privilege of doing so in the early days of our marriage. And when I did seek outside employment, it was in a capacity that allowed generous time off to continue keeping house.  It was later, when a job change reduced my time allowance, when grief continued to mount with continuing losses of my family members, when the little birds flew away from the nests as warrior eagles on their own, then my home became more difficult to attend.  My heart was lonely and the tasks felt meaningless in my sadness.

How is retirement? I am at almost five months along with it.  I have been busy with granddaughters and holidays and learning the tasks of a very part time job. It isn’t “new year resolutions” driving me at this time. It is simply timing.  Holidays past, decorations to put away, weather conditions conducive to being indoors more. I decided rather haphazardly this would be a good time to do some clearing out of things.

First was to go through the decorations I didn’t use this year to see of what to dispose. Then to decide what I used this year but didn’t love and get those things gone.  Since I currently use the washroom for storage, I went through things out there, too.  I have hauled away a few bags already.  The washroom seems organized. I only have two tubs of Christmas decorations, the tree itself, and three ornament boxes.  I also have a tub of antlers and a tub of pine cones. The cones were brought to me from California by our son.  I use them and the antlers in table centerpieces. 

Next, I have gathered “projects” on the back porch (sunroom sounds too uppity). It is down to do it or dump it.  I have a bad habit of going to thrift stores and picking up things to “makeover” then getting the materials to do the makeover only to box it up and stuff it in the closet.  Excuses of I don’t have time, I’m not sure how to start, I have no place to set up to work, I don’t know what to do with the finished project.  Where would I display or use whatever it is?  Who could I give it to? I am trying to break the acquisition habit.  I believe this ultimatum I have given myself may work to strengthen my resolve to keep my focus on what I actually do want to spend time and effort doing.

What is that?  I love to embroider.  I like reading and I love writing.  I have a half dozen or more stories begun or first drafts done. I do like to keep house, cook, do yardwork.  I still have him to look after.  He needs the care I give him.  Of course he can get along without me.  But, isn’t life sweeter when I take the time to take care of him?  He isn’t difficult to tend anyway.  A good supper, clean clothes, an occasional haircut, a simple lunch packed for work, a ride up the road to see the cows.  He can be a bit cantankerous, but then so can I.  He’s worth every bit of it and more.

Starting this new year, this new month, right here in the middle of a Southeast Texas “winter”, I am clearing out and cleaning up.  Setting up for the coziness needed now. Setting up for the long season of outdoor living afforded by this part of the world through early springs, long summers and warm falls.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I don’t even know how this day will play out and end.  But I am ever so grateful I know the One who does.  I have been through many dark times and no doubt will be through many more.  But His light of hope has sustained me even through my weeping and mourning.  As painful as things have been, I am grateful to find myself not bitter.  I am grateful to find myself not stuck in the mire of self-pity that I fall in to at times. 

My life is not charmed; not full of blissful days.  I have been through bad times. I have made bad decisions. I have behaved poorly.  I used to criticize myself brutally for my failures.  Somewhere I heard the phrase: how arrogant I must be to think that the blood of Christ is not good enough for my sins.  That is what is boils down to for me.  I am too bad for the blood of Christ to work on me and the Spirit to work in me and through me.  That was the lie I believed.  That was my mountain to climb.  It is a slippery slope going up, but I continue to gain altitude. It is only by seeking Jesus, I will be able to summit the peak.

How raw and open is my confession.  How vulnerable I have allowed myself to be.  If you are reading this, please know I will have wrangled with myself to allow it posted. This is not how I intended this to go.  I suppose I needed to hear it. 

I am looking toward the coming days with expectancy. Seeking an ever-sweeter walk with Christ, an ever more tender connection with Him and with him. Moments of delight with our children and our little grand girls.  Deeper connections with friends and extended family. If I can provide encouragement or a little cheer to the hurting, I pray I am allowed to do so.  

Pain will come this year. I pray I am quick to seek Him for courage, strength, guidance, comfort.

Blessings will come this year. I pray I am not blind to see them. I pray I am quick to praise Him for them.

Already feeling the blessing of today.  The comfort of simply knowing Jesus.  May you know Him, too.