lists

The Donut Man

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Sometimes writing this feels like the man in the old Dunkin Donuts commercial.  “Time to make the donuts…” as he drags out of bed well before the rest of the world of is awake.

I pull up my word document and begin typing.  I don’t know what will come out or where it will go.  That is the interesting part.  What am I thinking today?  What am I feeling?  The posts are definitely of the moment.  If I am having a bad time of it at the moment, the post is sad.  If I am having a good time of it at the moment, the post is happy.

I am feeling simply quiet.  Today was a holiday for me from work.  Texas Independence Day.  I have spent the weekend moving forward.  Friday, I picked up some novels at the used book store, a couple of movies on DVD at buy one get one free.  I replaced the quilts on our bed with new ones.  I read one of the books on Saturday.  We visited a new church on Sunday.  My wash is done up.  I have a menu plan working for the week.  My clothes outfits are planned for the work week.  The house is tidy.  Supper is cooked.  Dishes pending.

I would say I have had an orchid kind of weekend.  Not every weekend is full of outings and people.  I am very pleased with the things I have accomplished.  No.  I did not get it all done.  There are still some things I have not completed.  But, I feel rested and content.  Isn’t that a good thing for the end of a weekend?

I have made some plans to maintain forward motion.  I love to make lists.  I have made yet another list of simple things to remember to do when I am not moving forward.  Things like: assemble the next meal’s ingredients, lay out my clothes for the next day, read a book.  My 9 to 5 has enough challenge and stress.  I need simple things at home.

I hope starting March this way sets a pattern for the month.  I need space to rest and turn off my whirlwind thoughts.  I had a restful time.  The plan is to have a productive week at work and at home.  And naturally there is a plan B, C and D.  Not really.  I just try to remain flexible and adjust as the days flow.

I continue to work on ways to better care for him.  He is my priority.  It may not seem like it sometimes.  I try to look put together for him.  I try to cook better for him.  I try to keep up with my chores for him.  Clean clothes, clean dishes, a tidy home, groceries bought, meals cooked.  Yes. It is old-fashioned.  But, I have the time, talent, knowledge, and the heart’s desire to do it.  I do it for me as well.  But, I do it differently because of him.  I can’t quite explain how it is different than if it was just for me.  But it is.  Simply because I love him with all my heart.  I want him to have a long, happy, healthy life.  I will continue to do whatever I can to contribute to that life.

 

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New Year

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Once again I am late writing.  I wonder why I forgot this evening.  I noted it this morning on my list.  The list I didn’t get to after I got home from work.

Lists.  Obsessive compulsive list making.  My son has it, too.  I like making lists.  I write them, organize them. Rewrite them.  I am afraid to toss some of them.  Grocery lists and simple chore lists are easy to toss.  But, some lists.  They reveal my dreams and goals and fears.

With the new year approaching, it is time for another review of my progress.  How am I doing at becoming a better human being?  Am I gaining ground?  Sometimes it seems as if I am fighting a losing battle.  Perhaps no battle is really lost until it ends.  I have not stopped fighting.

I had several things preoccupying my mind at work today.  He had a doctor’s appointment and I was a little concerned about the issue.  Thanks to Him, all is just fine.  I have some deadlines for projects looming and am scrambling to get them done and keep up with the daily issues.

But, after work, my real concern was getting some supper cooked.  I wanted to make him cheeseburgers.  I did.  Toasted buns, our favorite steak seasoning on the meat, homemade dill pickles, Velvetta cheese.  I don’t even know if he liked them.  He didn’t say.  But, I enjoyed making them for him.

I like for him to tell me when I please him, even though I only half believe him.  I accuse him of just being polite.  Yes.  He can be very polite to me.  But, sometimes…………….

I am better in many ways.  My grief is improving.  I did have a few days of feeling like doom was impending.  But, it seems to have passed.  I think my house is fairly organized.  I am getting the essentials done in a timely fashion.  Things don’t pile up as much.

The new year approaches.  Yes. I will have some goals.  Nothing new.  Just continuing to improve to a new level of performance.  Becoming a better being.  I hope.

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