He has had a challenging year. At least a dozen medium to major problems have plagued us. Him, particularly. A deer hit his truck and it had to have extensive body work. A tree hit him and his tractor and the tractor had to have serious repairs. He was only slightly damaged. The children have had vehicle issues with which he assisted. He had some minor health issues to get through. He changed hunting leases. We lost a good cow. I counted one day and came up with twelve or thirteen issues. Since that time, we had a few days without power. He had to get the generator going to keep the icebox and freezer in good shape. The big trailer’s tongue broke off at the lease and he had to get it welded back together. Most recently, major plumbing problems have arisen.
If any of this is mentioned, he is instant to say: “God took care of it.” And of course, He does. There is insurance for the truck and the health problems. A generator is ours to fire up for power. There are friends to help with a place to sleep with air conditioning. Other friends to help with on-site welding. His own strength and hard work to take care of many other things.
I am grateful for the protection and provision He supplies. I am grateful for the strength of the man I married. Physical, mental and most importantly, spiritual. I see the side of him the world never encounters. I see him tired and frustrated. Wanting to just crash in his chair and zone out watching television. I see him deal with headaches and back pain and kidney stones. But, I see him get up and go to work day after day. He has almost never missed work due to illness. When he did, we likely went to the ER for something. I admire his toughness and his courage. It can make for some difficult moments for me and then protect me from difficult moments as well.
Occasionally, a tender spot will show. Usually it is associated with our beloved children or with Him. I see him tense and concentrated thinking about them. They are both married, independent, well into careers of their own. But, his attitude of protection and guidance is still as it has always been. There is a grand on the way. It will be very interesting to see him interact with the little one. I am sure I will see things unimaginable from that tough, old bull.
The air has changed. Even if we have more cold temperatures, spring is upon us. Green buds peek from tips of limbs. Weeds are more than ankle deep. Bird songs have changed. He heard geese traveling north the other evening.
I am restless with the changing season. Wanting a change. Not knowing what to change. I am ready to get my plants off the porch. Ready to rearrange the furniture for the changing light. The daybed is in one corner for winter sun and will be moved to another corner for summer shade.
The azaleas should be in bloom within a week. Already the redbuds bring vibrant hope. I love every season in its turn. I celebrate the fading of one and the coming of another.
The transitions remind me of the ever-turning pages of time. I am reminded to seize this moment and be joyous at the life pulsing through my veins.
The difficulties we face today will be overcome and become distant memories. I know this because it has happened before. We have faced difficulties and with His Help, we have overcome them in the past. There are some things that happen which must be endured until the end of life. Most things pass.
Challenges are to be faced. I may have moments of weakness and feel overwhelmed with fear. But, I must not give in to the fear. I must stand and face the lions in the den. Fear leads to confusion and poor or delayed decisions. Fear leads to despair. Fear leads to bitterness and anger.
I watched a movie once. I have it on DVD. I cannot bear to watch it again. I love it, but it is emotionally taxing. What I learned from the movie is simply to feel the cold and not fear it. Feel the pain. Feel the heartbreak. Feel the feelings. Do not fear them. I don’t know if I would see all of that if I watched it again. I doubt anyone else would find that message in the movie 300.
It corresponds with my Grandmother telling me about childbirth to let go and let it hurt. I had both of my children without pain medication. It was not easy to let go and let it hurt. But, it was worth it.
The current challenges I face will pass. I have a choice. I can face them with good humor and a smile or I can make myself miserable along with everyone around me. No matter the outcome of the situation, I have a choice about what I think and what I allow myself to feel.
I want to get through this happy and laughing at the moments that exist between the battles. I want to be able to focus on the battles when they are before me and leave them on the field when the time for rest comes. I do not want to be covered with the smell of fear. I hate feeling fear more than just about anything.
I will be strong for him. I will be faithful for Him. I will not fear. I have my sanity and His Salvation. And a thousand other blessings………………………………..