Deleting

I always want to get rid of clutter.  To get rid of the too much in my life.  To edit and refine my vision. To focus clearly on the goals.  One of the ways I have focused over the past week or two is my on-line clutter. 

I went through my pins on Pinterest and deleted more than four thousand pins. I deleted boards and edited and remade boards.  If I want to use Pinterest to help develop my focus, then ruthless editing is required.  It is a source for the vision board I wrote about a few weeks ago. 

I have a couple of friends who like to communicate through email.  I am terribly negligent checking my email.  This very morning, I went through my email and cleared out folders of old mail, cleared all the new mail, pared down to two folders to e-file items.  I want to keep up with this clutter collector and be ready to receive further communication from them.

In working on Pinterest, I reviewed pins about getting rid of clutter.  Many, if not most, advisors on de-cluttering have lists of things to get rid of that are nothing more than lists of trash.  Yes, we should get rid of things that are broken or damaged or missing parts.  But, so much of the mess I keep is not broken, damaged or missing parts.  Much is barely used.  Much is terribly sentimental. 

I can probably work my way through the barely used.  It is the sentimental that gives pause.  I have a plan to work toward my overall goal.  If I cull every single item possible from the non-sentimental items, I will have space to display, to use, to store for easy access, those items that are sentimental.  Right?

I spent a couple of hours reading over past posts related to home keeping and this very line of thought.  In over seven years, my song has not changed much.  I found my posts from years ago sounding like I wrote them a couple of months ago. 

I do have one change to note.  In the past, realizing that would have made me feel frustrated, anxious, like a failure, hopeless.  Now, my feelings are of respect for my own determination.  My problems are not solved.  I have not evolved as much as I had hoped.  I feel I have a long way to go to reach my goals regarding my home keeping.  But I have persisted.  Persistence is key to resolving issues, to making progress, to having success in any endeavor. 

I sometimes feel I am not moving along as I desire because I haven’t improved my strategy.  I am doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  That could be true.  Still, I continue to seek new ways to work, new angles or attitudes to pursue.  I know I am recognizing some behaviors that are counter to my desired end.  I know I am not doing things as emotionally reactive as I once did.  I believe I am more deliberate and quicker to catch myself when I am not being deliberate. 

In thinking about my first 13 months retired, I will say I haven’t done a lot of things I thought I would.  Maybe because when confronted with no excuses, I find those things aren’t as appealing as they were hiding behind the curtain of “someday”.  I have a number of items on my list that are still appealing.  They require my pushing out of the cocoon I have created.  They require my using the planner I got for my birthday to schedule the tasks needed to get closer to doing those items.  They require me deleting ideas and mindsets that keep me distracted doing what doesn’t matter to me and prevents my challenging myself to do what does matter.  They also require my paying attention to how I feel about them as they roll to the front of the pursuit.  I must be diligent to hit “delete” whenever needed to keep myself on the correct path.   

I hear my daughter reminding me, I only have to keep, to do, to be what makes me happy.  What I choose to pursue in my pursuit of happiness is just that.  My choice.  She not only looks like her father, she sounds like him. 

I will continue to delete things from my home, my life, my mindset.  I may never reach the point I call “the click”.  That point when something inside me clicks and says, “Ta Da!! This is it!”  But it is something to pursue. 

Not every life has to be headline making.  There aren’t enough headlines for that.  My life needs only those headlines I see on my to do lists.  Headlines filled with adventures in blow up pools in the backyard, walks along woodland trails, rides among longhorn cattle, rainy afternoons on the glitter carpeted back porch. Those things must never be deleted.  Those are the true sentimental things I want to display, to use, to store in memory. 

Spring

The air has changed.  Even if we have more cold temperatures, spring is upon us.  Green buds peek from tips of limbs.  Weeds are more than ankle deep.  Bird songs have changed.  He heard geese traveling north the other evening.

I am restless with the changing season.  Wanting a change.  Not knowing what to change.  I am ready to get my plants off the porch.  Ready to rearrange the furniture for the changing light.  The daybed is in one corner for winter sun and will be moved to another corner for summer shade.

The azaleas should be in bloom within a week.  Already the redbuds bring vibrant hope.  I love every season in its turn.  I celebrate the fading of one and the coming of another.

The transitions remind me of the ever-turning pages of time.  I am reminded to seize this moment and be joyous at the life pulsing through my veins.

The difficulties we face today will be overcome and become distant memories.  I know this because it has happened before.  We have faced difficulties and with His Help, we have overcome them in the past.  There are some things that happen which must be endured until the end of life.  Most things pass.

Challenges are to be faced.  I may have moments of weakness and feel overwhelmed with fear.  But, I must not give in to the fear.  I must stand and face the lions in the den.  Fear leads to confusion and poor or delayed decisions.  Fear leads to despair.  Fear leads to bitterness and anger.

I watched a movie once.  I have it on DVD.  I cannot bear to watch it again.  I love it, but it is emotionally taxing.  What I learned from the movie is simply to feel the cold and not fear it.  Feel the pain.  Feel the heartbreak.  Feel the feelings.  Do not fear them.  I don’t know if I would see all of that if I watched it again.  I doubt anyone else would find that message in the movie 300. 

It corresponds with my Grandmother telling me about childbirth to let go and let it hurt.  I had both of my children without pain medication.  It was not easy to let go and let it hurt.  But, it was worth it.

The current challenges I face will pass.  I have a choice.  I can face them with good humor and a smile or I can make myself miserable along with everyone around me.  No matter the outcome of the situation, I have a choice about what I think and what I allow myself to feel.

I want to get through this happy and laughing at the moments that exist between the battles.  I want to be able to focus on the battles when they are before me and leave them on the field when the time for rest comes.  I do not want to be covered with the smell of fear.  I hate feeling fear more than just about anything.

I will be strong for him.  I will be faithful for Him.  I will not fear.  I have my sanity and His Salvation.  And a thousand other blessings………………………………..

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