The year has started already and I am slow to start with it. No resolutions. No new goals. Just continue to make time with the Duchesses.
The two older ones are busier these days. I will need to work harder to get in their schedule. That is part of the process of growing up. I am thankful I am still able to go and do with them. I am anxious to have a weekend with them again. I am missing my no longer little Duchesses.
The little one has a hold on me like no one. The first two were a pair. A lot of time we have is the two of them playing with each other. I suppose it is because in the first days of this Tiny Duchess, I was with my little one so much more. Or more likely, it is the place I am in my life now. Older, retired, more time on my hands. Maybe it is just her.
At any rate, if I go too many days without seeing her, I start to feel unsettled. We are hoping she will be ready to spend the night with us soon. She is like her Paw Paw. Wants to sleep in her own bed in her own room at her own house. Don’t tell Paw Paw, but Granny is getting that way, too.
Over my lifetime, I have spent a lot of time with little ones. Babies and toddlers and preschoolers. I have known a lot of very sharp little minds. This tiniest Duchess seems to have an edge on all of them. I did notice a touch of stubbornness yesterday. Certainly not her father’s hard headedness, but just a little of wanting to do something and not as easily redirected.
She is always talking about her Paw Paw. Wakes up in the morning asking for him, cries for him when she gets tired. He plays with her like a kid. The baby whisperer, he has been called.
Watch his face when he talks to a little one. He is fully engaged and animated. To the rest of the world, he is rough around the edges and tough as old boot leather. But, with children, he is laughter and tickles and tumbling and racing. It has been said very accurately that you cannot be sensitive and be friends with him. That is true. But, not for little ones, certainly not for the Duchesses. And absolutely not for the Tiny Duchess.
I always want to get rid of clutter. To get rid of the too much in my life. To edit and refine my vision. To focus clearly on the goals. One of the ways I have focused over the past week or two is my on-line clutter.
I went through my pins on Pinterest and deleted more than four thousand pins. I deleted boards and edited and remade boards. If I want to use Pinterest to help develop my focus, then ruthless editing is required. It is a source for the vision board I wrote about a few weeks ago.
I have a couple of friends who like to communicate through email. I am terribly negligent checking my email. This very morning, I went through my email and cleared out folders of old mail, cleared all the new mail, pared down to two folders to e-file items. I want to keep up with this clutter collector and be ready to receive further communication from them.
In working on Pinterest, I reviewed pins about getting rid of clutter. Many, if not most, advisors on de-cluttering have lists of things to get rid of that are nothing more than lists of trash. Yes, we should get rid of things that are broken or damaged or missing parts. But, so much of the mess I keep is not broken, damaged or missing parts. Much is barely used. Much is terribly sentimental.
I can probably work my way through the barely used. It is the sentimental that gives pause. I have a plan to work toward my overall goal. If I cull every single item possible from the non-sentimental items, I will have space to display, to use, to store for easy access, those items that are sentimental. Right?
I spent a couple of hours reading over past posts related to home keeping and this very line of thought. In over seven years, my song has not changed much. I found my posts from years ago sounding like I wrote them a couple of months ago.
I do have one change to note. In the past, realizing that would have made me feel frustrated, anxious, like a failure, hopeless. Now, my feelings are of respect for my own determination. My problems are not solved. I have not evolved as much as I had hoped. I feel I have a long way to go to reach my goals regarding my home keeping. But I have persisted. Persistence is key to resolving issues, to making progress, to having success in any endeavor.
I sometimes feel I am not moving along as I desire because I haven’t improved my strategy. I am doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That could be true. Still, I continue to seek new ways to work, new angles or attitudes to pursue. I know I am recognizing some behaviors that are counter to my desired end. I know I am not doing things as emotionally reactive as I once did. I believe I am more deliberate and quicker to catch myself when I am not being deliberate.
In thinking about my first 13 months retired, I will say I haven’t done a lot of things I thought I would. Maybe because when confronted with no excuses, I find those things aren’t as appealing as they were hiding behind the curtain of “someday”. I have a number of items on my list that are still appealing. They require my pushing out of the cocoon I have created. They require my using the planner I got for my birthday to schedule the tasks needed to get closer to doing those items. They require me deleting ideas and mindsets that keep me distracted doing what doesn’t matter to me and prevents my challenging myself to do what does matter. They also require my paying attention to how I feel about them as they roll to the front of the pursuit. I must be diligent to hit “delete” whenever needed to keep myself on the correct path.
I hear my daughter reminding me, I only have to keep, to do, to be what makes me happy. What I choose to pursue in my pursuit of happiness is just that. My choice. She not only looks like her father, she sounds like him.
I will continue to delete things from my home, my life, my mindset. I may never reach the point I call “the click”. That point when something inside me clicks and says, “Ta Da!! This is it!” But it is something to pursue.
Not every life has to be headline making. There aren’t enough headlines for that. My life needs only those headlines I see on my to do lists. Headlines filled with adventures in blow up pools in the backyard, walks along woodland trails, rides among longhorn cattle, rainy afternoons on the glitter carpeted back porch. Those things must never be deleted. Those are the true sentimental things I want to display, to use, to store in memory.
Raining Orchids 