I did not complete the January project as planned. No real surprise there. How many plans actually go forward perfectly without a hitch?
So, now what? Should I continue with the idea? Should I back up and regroup? Should I dump the plan?
I don’t know, yet. I don’t want to think of it right now. Perhaps that is my answer. Nothing right now. Just let it go for a couple of days. Saturday has great potential as a day to think about things. I will have time to ponder over what I am going to do next.
I will have time to figure out “what now”. I am a little frustrated because I want to be doing something else. I just don’t know what the “else” is supposed to be.
If the weather permits, time outside in the sun would be a great help. I need time to look at the trees making patterns against the sky. I reviewed my personal photos. I surely love trees.
My “now what?” is to stop and look around. Look up. Keep looking up.
I am always reading self-improvement things. Books, blogs, magazine articles, whatever. Always seeking a magical answer. The question isn’t really clear. I cannot find a magical answer if I don’t know the magical question.
One concept I have often read about is breaking down the project into manageable tasks. I am a very organized person. I always think about projects and plan them in what I believe is the most sensible and efficient order.
Then, I begin said project. I follow the plan. The problem seems to be that I believe I can do more than I can do. I overextend myself. I get halfway through and run out of time and/or energy.
I don’t know if I am just trying to do too much or if I am not planning a well as I think or what. I just know I end up with a mess to clean up and a project not completed the way I imagined. It is finally sinking in that I need to not only think of the project in steps, but I need to do the project in steps and stages. Don’t try to change my entire world on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon.
The next chapter of this saga is about purpose. I plan a project. I think about the area I want to improve. I set about the stages of the project. I realize I am only trying to distract myself from something else. I get bored because it is being done for the wrong reason.
If I have a project to complete, I don’t have to think about not achieving the real goals. I can fool myself into thinking I am busy taking care of important issues. But, only for a little while.
Suddenly, the curtain is drawn back and the truth comes out. The great Oz is a fraud and a fake. The truth is in the ruby slippers always with me. Just get on with it. The way is there. Stop following someone else’s yellow brick road and get back to home base. Get centered and grounded and back on the real track.
I have set myself a task and a deadline to meet it. He is backing me 100%. He is my partner in this life and my champion, too. Together, we will get me where I need to be. Following my own brick road. Not the yellow one.
It is finally sinking in. I must be true to myself. I must follow my own path. I must stop trying to take part in things I care nothing about. Most of all, I must stop running away from my destiny. The line in a movie that haunts me and my son: find and fulfill your destiny. Perhaps, it isn’t so hard to find after all.
Keep paying attention. Keep listening to my instincts. Keep battling the fear. Keep pushing back the mindless distractions. Keep pursuing life and destiny and love and truth.