He and I have been married 36 years today. We were both 18 when we decided there was no other way to be than married to each other. We have been through tough times and wonderful times. We have learned to forgive and keep going on together.
We still have some big dreams we hope to make come true if the Father wills it so. Funny thing about dreams for us. We always ask him to close the door firmly if we are about to go through the wrong one.
We are a pretty good team for the most part. I’m still a terrible cow dog, though. I’m not scared at all, just slow and clumsy. Still we usually manage to get done what needs doing without having to do too much of the previously mentioned forgiving.
I love this man of mine. In ways I cannot even express. I sometimes can’t tell where I end and he begins. I have tried so hard to bind myself to him.
He is strong and tough. Sometimes the tough is hard to take. I haven’t had to slay a dragon in many years. His sword is sharp and arrow is true. So I don’t mind the tough.
I have heard a couple of songs on the radio recently. One is a current hit. One is from several years ago. The one from several years ago is about a woman questioning what she is doing with her life. I struggled with that for years. Why didn’t I finish college? What career path should I have taken?
I married early and had children. I had ill parents to tend. By the time, real opportunity came along for me to pursue something else, I didn’t have the resources to move on it. Resources aren’t just money. Time, energy, desire.
Perhaps it is the approach of middle age. Perhaps is it the imminent arrival of granddaughter number one and the fast approaching granddaughter number two. I am losing the sense of loss over missed opportunities.
The current song just made me recall my original dream. I don’t even know what about the song made me think what I did. All I ever wanted was to be a wife, mother and homemaker. I did all that along with a 9-5. My husband is my career and the 9-5 is a sideline.
I wouldn’t give myself a very good evaluation for my career performance right now. I have been sidetracked. I have this terrible weakness of allowing media-books, magazines, Pinterest-influence my decisions too greatly. I let the profit driven mass production world of commerce deceive me into thinking I am not in line with what is acceptable modern living. The problem develops because I cannot keep up with their standards and actually provide an appropriate lifestyle or living conditions for our real life household.
I am changing that already. I have made some decisions and some behavioral changes. I am having success with them. I feel better about a lot of things. My self-evaluation is having a positive effect of change.
Just be happy. He and his son have told me that. I am glad that line is sticking in my mind rather than the old one from a corny old movie. “Find and fulfil your destiny.” Nope. Create my destiny. Just be happy. Be wife. Be mama. Be granny. Be housekeeper. Be aunt. Be niece. Be cousin. Be sister. Be me.